do you know who you are? | harry styles

6: leanna

TW abusw

"LEANNA!"
"MARA!"

my best friend leanna had come to stay for a few days on tour! we were currently in poland and she flew out from london!
"its so good to see you!" she smiles.
"you too! i cant wait for you to meet everyone!"

i took her back to the bus and she met everyone.
"one time me and mara were in london with friends and when we saw a fine line poster and she was like 'hey hes pointing to me'" she told harry who laughed fondly.
"It was a joke! Okay, did you see the angle!?" i reasoned as i blushed.
"I didn't but either was it was funny" leanna agreed.

she settled in and we caught up a lot and it was really nice, but then she told me something. "so...you know leeroy?" she asked. i shivered hearing his name. "he's in hospital"
"is he really? or is it another one of his lies?" i sighed.
"no mara. he's actually in hospital"
"for what? did he slip over another lie?" i snickered.
"no...he tried to commit suicide" she said quietly.
"and...where exactly did you hear this?"
"his friend. asked me if it was anything to do with you?"
"i haven't spoken to him in ages"
"i think you should call him"
"ca-what!?" The rest of the crew were talking to each but harry glanced at us then went back to his phone.
"he's really not okay"
"that's not really my problem"

The room went quiet.

"mara i really think you should talk to him"
"you know what went down last time with him"
"maybe he's changed!"
"changed? Oh my lord..."
"mara please! he could have died!"
"thats not my problem!"
"uhh...whats going on?" sarah asked.
"she wont call her friend whos in hospital"
"friend!? he's not my friend!" i exclaimed.
"he tried to off himself!" leanna added.
"oh my god" i muttered.
"you should call him" naomi said.
"see! naomi agrees" leanee pleaded.
"well naomi doesn't know him"
"mara you gotta get over it"
"wh-you are the last person who should say that to me"
"its been 8 years! Maybe hes different "
"Seasons change. People don't"
"mara you're being petty" she snapped.
"i really dont wanna be here" i grabbed my phone and walked out of the tour bus. luckily it had stopped somewhere.

i walked around poland lost but i then sat on a random bench and sobbed. leanna was my best friend and i couldn't believe her.
"mara?" fuck.
the brunette boy sat beside me and gave me a long warm hug. i hadn't cried on someone since i was 13. he wiped my tears away gently with his thumbs.
"im sorry you all had to see that" i sniffled.
"don't worry about it" he replied. "so...whos leeroy? if you don't mind me asking"

"he's an old friend. he...uh...emotionally abused me for a year" i replied.
"in what way?" he asked.
"guilt tripping. controlling what i wore, said, my music taste. gas lighting me. lying. he shouted at me daily and blamed me for everything. it really damaged me and...i never really got over it" wow. i opened up.
"that sounds awful. im so sorry you went through that"
"its okay...he faked a lot of suicides and made me feel like...whatever happened to me didnt matter"
"he's a dickhead. and you dont owe him shit. you matter so much. and to think he would do all that to you is awful. its good he's out of your life because he sounds extremely toxic. and i can understand that this much damage has caused you to not be able to get over it" i nodded as he said all that. he really understood and was open to hearing and educating himself.
"have you ever considered therapy?" he asked.
i shook my head. "i went in my teen years...awful"

"talking about it really helps. and im always available if you want to talk about it. don't feel obliged to call him. that't your decision and yours only"
"thanks. you're a really good friend"
"of course...now lets go. theyre playing uno" we shared another hug before heading back to the bus, his arm round me.

we got back and everyone was playing uno.
"playing without us?" harry and i went over and joined them.
"leanna im on your team" i said, sitting beside her.
"yes!" we high fived and smiled.
"im sorry" she whispered as everyone laughed at mitch's lame move.
"its okay" i sighed.
"No. Mara its not. Can we please talk more later?" She asked. Harry glanced over, checking all was okay.
"Of course we can" i smiled softly at her then at harry who returned the favour.