do you know who you are? | harry styles

22: being there

"darling? its almost midday" harry gently shook me. i wasn't actually asleep, i just didn't want to face the day so i pretended to be asleep when really i just felt awful. harrys soothing voice comforted me but i didn't budge.

"i know you're awake love" he added. i sighed and rolled over to face him. harry was awake at 7am everyday. i however awoke from 9. on a depression day ? let's not talk about that.
"there's that beautiful face" he smiled. i rolled over again and buried my head into his pillow.
"alright...come on" he picked me up and carried me to the bathroom and sat me on the counter. he moved my hair out of my face while i avoided eye contact.

"so...how was yesterday?" he asked as he put toothpaste on my toothbrush. i didn't respond. i didn't want to speak about it.
"mara, are you alright?" he put the tooth brush down as he noticed how quiet i was this morning. "remember? we're trying to be more open" he slid his hands into mine and stood in between my legs.

"no one came" i said quietly. harrys concerned face changed to a sad one as i started crying uncontrollably. he pulled me into his arms and held me close.
"no one came! everyone made excuses and lied to me" i cried.
"so...you just spent the whole day alone?"
i nodded. i calmed down finally and wiped my tears away.
"you dont need people like that in your life"
"i cut them all off" i admitted.
"good. you deserve better and im proud of you" he kissed my forehead gently and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

he left me to get ready soon enough. after brushing my teeth, brushing my hair and washing my face i got dressed into one of harrys sweaters, black tights and a black skater skirt. i went downstairs to the kitchen to see harry had made me breakfast. first we had a long hug because i rEally needed one. hearing his heartbeat put me at ease because i knew he was always there.

after i ate, i leaned on harrys side on the sofa while he read to me. the book was pretty boring but i liked hearing him speak. i sat there crocheting. he stopped after a while and planted a small kiss on my chapped lips.
"boring book?" he asked. i smiled fondly.
"yes"
"you should read. it's good for your brain"
"i haven't read a book since i was 15" i admitted.
"you..." he scoffed fondly. "why's that?"
"uh..." i trailed off. "ADHD. I cant focus..."
"well at least you have an artistic side" he replied as he looked at my crotchet. "what are you even making?" he asked.
"not a clue" i replied. "my hands are aching" i put the items down on the table. harry took my hands and kissed them. he was so sweet and just hecking adorable.

"wanna know something?" i asked him.
"fire away" he replied, giving me his full attention.
"I am...a radical feminist. Meaning that quite frankly i'll dismantle the patriarchy at all means necessary - and if that means i have to choose violence then sure. Anyway...i got victim blamed for my sexual assault when i was seventeen and punched someone"
"You were what!?" Harrys eyes widened.
"Best day ever" i sniggered. "People were scared of me from then but it did me a favour because i dont like people"
"Are you...okay?"
"Im fine. Shit happens...just thinking"
"If anything happens to you again will you let me know?"
"What you gonna do, uppercut them?"
"That and murder them for hurting my girl"