do you know who you are? | harry styles

30: goodbye harry

HAPPY TEN YEARS OF 1D
also wbk harry is such a fucking gentleman this next chapter is j for the story

i woke up in harrys arms the next morning. i sat up slightly and studied his perfect face. his eyes opened and he smiled when he saw me.
"what are you doing?" he said in his morning voice.
"admiring you" i responded, laying down again but facing him. he turned to face me too.
"the torture of not waking up to this gorgeous face every morning" he said, caressing my face.
"i could say the same really" i replied.

soon enough we were out of bed and getting ready for the day. tour was postponed to next year summer sadly but that meant a lot of time together. it was nearly our eight month anniversary and i was shocked as i didn't think we'd make it.

i got ready into a blue sweater, a black skater skirt, black tights and black combat boots. i put on some eye liner and mascara then headed downstairs. harry was on the phone to mitch. he saw me come downstairs and ended the call. he seemed a bit worried but he said everything was alright.

we caught up a lot over breakfast and had some laughs. it was nice to be with him, i'd missed him so much. we spent a lot of time together that day but in the evening harry had to speak to me about something important.

(this bit is hard to write)

"So uh...a week after i left i went out with some friends and i got hammered. i barely remember anything that night but the next morning i'd woken up...uhh..."
"let me guess in another girls bed" i joked then laughed.
then i realised from the expression on his face, he had.
"oh" i said quietly.

harry had cheated on me.

"im so sorry my love, i-i don't know why i did that and i really wish i didn't and if you could jusr listen..." he was gabbling on. i cut him off straight away.
"no harry. YOU fucking listen to ME!" i snapped. he was shocked at my outburst but let me speak.
"every single fucking day you told me you loved me while you was away, saying how you missed me, crying on the phone to each other and then you go cheat on me!?"
"mar-"
"Uh dont piss me off! Dont fucking speak over me. Y-you cheat on me a-and for three months you lie? Y-you dont tell me shit!? You act as if nothing fucking happened!? If you cheat on someone, you dont fucking love them" i said, tears in my eyes. "and the worst part is, i trusted you so much. I have trust issues but i knew you wouldn't go behind my back at all. well i was wrong! and let me guess! she was  so many things im not! she was what you couldn't find in ME!"

"mara im sorry. please, can we just talk about this?" he looked like he was going to cry.
"there's nothing to talk about. you cheated. im leaving" i got up and left the room.
"mara wait!" he ran after me and pulled me back gently. "please! don't leave. i love you" he sobbed.
"if you did, you wouldn't have done it" i snapped.
he tried hugging me but i stepped away.
"I never want to see you again" i said before going upstairs.

harry was angry with himself. when he was angry he yelled and tried breaking things. i'd never actually seen it for myself but i heard him downstairs sobbing and throwing things. i started crying violently as i packed my things. i loved harry with my entire soul but what he did was unforgivable. he'd broken my trust and i was hurting so much.

i dialled for ella.
"hello stinky" she said.
"hi um...dyou mind if i stay over...maybe...forever?" i cried.
"bruv are you okay?"
"harry cheated on me" i sobbed.
"that little bitch...of course you can. Oh my god im so sorry bae"
"thanks...im gonna go pack" i sniffled.
"be safe. love you"
"love you too"

i started packing my things quickly. i left behind everything harry had gifted to me and after i finished i took my suitcases downstairs. harry was sitting in the middle of the living room sobbing quietly, broken glass around him. it broke my heart but i could never forgive him for what he did. it had broken so much inside me.

i didn't say goodbye. i couldn't face him. i just left. i wiped my tears away and headed to the tube stations.