"Anxiety's like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far."
-Jodi Picoult
The Meet
I know it isn't a choice, however, I also know that I can be very persuasive. I am not suggesting that I use my anxiety to my advantage, because that would be utterly false. However, I do use my persuasion to aid in gaining resources.
"Do I have to go? I'm scared. It's bad enough to talk to people that I know, but I can't meet new people, not now" I announce
Emelia places her hand on top of mine, squeezing it tightly.
"I wish you didn't have to, Kels. But listen, Anna-Elle will be there, and I promise I won't leave your side. Plus, I'm sure your adoptive family will be nice" she smiles "I heard they choose only the nicest ones for you guys"
"I know, it's not that" I reply
"I know Kelsey"
"Promise you'll stay with me?" I beg
"I promise" she rakes her hands through my curls.
It was ironic that I had asked, knowing the answer. I knew she would promise, however, I also knew that she could not keep her promise. So I wonder why it made me feel slightly better, hearing her say those words.
"What time is it?" I ask
"Five minutes, I have to go let the other girls know."
I nod, I know that I had to go to this meeting.
I also know that Emelia will not stay with me
No matter what she says.
No matter how many times she promises.
She has a job.
I have to make things work.
This is my problem.
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I remember the way the class ran, the teacher barely taking charge. Slurs were uttered throughout the room as she sat at her desk and worked on her computer. I flinched as people shouted terrible words to each other
"You're such a fag" one had said
"Well you're just a fucking woman, and you belong in the kitchen" Someone else shouted.
I had turned away, embarrassed at the conversation, and frankly, ashamed that the teacher wasn't taking any action.
"Guys, you know Kelsey has two dyke moms"
I remember the way the words sounded, I had wondered how they tasted in the boy's mouth
I wondered at the time, and still do, why the teacher never intervened.
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"I can't breathe," I say as I place my hand over my chest, feeling the way my heart was beating.
I had been dreading this day since I heard about it, yet, now that it was here, it was simply like any other day. Almost every day, I become anxious over something, and today is no different. Obviously, I would have preferred if this event was not set to take place, but I know another equally anxiety-inducing activity would simply take its place.
YOU ARE READING
When fight takes flight
Teen FictionWe follow Kelsey, a young teenage girl, as she graduates from middle school and prepares to venture off to high school, halfway across the world. As Kelsey boards the plane to begin her journey, she is filled with pure excitement. However, as soon a...
