When fight takes flight

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Trigger Warning

Being yourself is one of the hardest things because it's scary. You always wonder whether you'll be accepted for who you really are.

-Emmy Rossum

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It hurt, my stomach, more than I had anticipated. I clutch it as I slowly sit up, suddenly feeling nauseous. My eyes blur, making it hard for me to see anything around me.

"I don't feel well," I say to nobody in particular.

The effects of the medicine were setting in, well, the bad ones that is.

I listen intently as the door slowly creaks open.

"Emelia" I whisper.

She walks up to me, a concerned look falling over her face.

"You okay, Kels?"

I shake my head as she places her cold hand on my forehead, feeling for a temperature.

"Hmm" She sits down on my bed, sinking into my fluffy blanket.

I feel my stomach churn as my nausea worsens, causing me to place my hand over my mouth.

"I'm really nauseous"

"It's probably the meds"

"I know" I reply

And I do, I do know.

I just wish that the healing would come as fast as the pain did.

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A year ago, I wouldn't have even known what to do. I don't think I would have taken the medication, or even thought of trying to for that matter. A year ago, I could barely talk to my teachers, not that I was doing an exemplary job now. I remember how I used to bring my friends with me when I needed to talk to a teacher, not willing to go by myself. I even feared knocking on the door, I still do I guess, I'm not sure why though. I'm not sure which part scares me, the knocking, the speaking, or both. Last year I hadn't even been able to walk into the school counselors office, at least I was doing okay with that, although, I barely talked. One year ago, I barely had any friends, and I definitely wasn't ready to come to terms with myself, to come to terms with who I was. I can proudly say that now, I was doing a better job.

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"So Kelsey, You took your meds last night?" Anna-Elle asks as I sink into the cushioned chair in her office.

Her office looks the same as it always does, the same bland walls, the same colorful chairs, the same rusty air conditioner. But, it feels different. For the first time, sitting in this office, I feel hopeful.

"Ya," I say "I feel a bit nauseous"

"Okay, nothing else though?" she asks

"Nothing else"

I feel good and hopeful, but at the same time, scared.

Scared that maybe, the medication won't work

Scared that maybe, I'll be this way forever.

I swing my legs around as I wait for something to be said. I listen as the air fills the awkward silence, leaving no room for me to breathe.

"Are you going home for winter break, Kels?" She asks

I wish she hadn't brought that up, I was dreading the experience.