When fight takes flight

Cured?

Strength comes from struggle. When you learn to see your struggles as opportunities to become stronger, better, wiser, then your thinking shifts from 'I can't do this' to 'I must do this.'

Toni Sorenson

Cured?

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, Kelsey. You have gotten out of so much in my class, and this presentation is going to be a huge part of your grade, you can't just avoid it. Next week, you have to present your project." Mrs. T says.

I know that since it's nearly November, I'm bound to be faced with some things that I simply would not be able to get out of. I knew that something like this was coming, yet, in all my anxiety, I had forgotten to add it to my list of worries.

"Fine, but can I at least be last or something?" I whisper "I need some time to prepare"

"Fine"

I know that I'm simply delaying so that I can have some peace of mind, but that wouldn't come until this was all over with,

Does it really ever end though?

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On my eleventh birthday, I cried. I didn't have any reason to, I simply burst out in tears. Mama had asked me what was wrong, but I didn't know.

On my tenth birthday, I discovered why I had been having nightmares for so many years as a kid.

I was only 3 when she hung a small dream catcher up in my room.

At age five, she had taken it down, we had moved.

I was never one to believe in superstitions, but the first night I slept without the dreamcatcher was the same night I had my first nightmare.

And, the first night I successfully slept without any nightmares?

Well, that was the night that mom hung it back up.

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"So, this is our first time speaking since I have called your mom. First, I just wanted to say that I am so proud of you for coming this far. I know that must have been scary, but you did a great job. So, now that I have talked to your parents, I wanted to discuss the possibility of medication with you. I think you will be surprised at how much it can help you. But, it's your choice, and no one is forcing you."

I seriously doubt that anything could ever make me feel normal but, hey, it's worth a shot.

"Thank you, and I think I wanna try that," I mumble, embarrassed to voice my opinion.

"Great! So I'm going to make you a doctor's appointment. I am just warning you now, the process is super long. First, we have to get a referral. After that, we have to get a specific document, and only then can we make you an appointment with a public psychiatrist. Your parents agreed that if it takes too long, they will pay for a private one."

Shit, for some reason I totally removed from my brain the scary parts of recovery.

For some reason, I forgot that I would have to actually talk to people in order to get help for not being able to talk to people.

"Will you be mad at me if I can't talk to the doctor."

I don't know why I'm seeking out Anna-Elle's validation, but, for some reason, it seems important.