When fight takes flight

Mind games

 "If strength is measured by intelligence, honesty, and depth of character, then yes, strong women are hot as hell."

-Paget Brewster

Mind Games

"Good Morning girls!" Mrs. T says as she enters our classroom "today is the last day for presentations!" I feel her eyes burning into the back of my head.

I really fucked up, I had forgotten.

Of course, I had done all of the work, but I had been too caught up in everything else to mentally prepare for what lay ahead of me.

"Kelsey?" I look up at my teacher, my heart beating furiously "come outside for a second"

It had only been a week, a week of presentations, a week of anxiety, I just want it to be over. I want it to all be normal. I want to be normal. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not immediately think about the million ways that the day could go wrong. I wish I wouldn't wake up and immediately think about the fact that I was inferior to everyone else.

"I talked to your homeroom teacher and Anna-Elle. We had a meeting." She whispers as she wedges her foot into the door, letting the girls know she's keeping an eye on them, "I know you are supposed to present today, but they told me what's happening, and I wanted to give you the option of presenting only in front of me."

I was sick of people thinking that they were doing me a favor.

No.

No matter how many people were there, I would freeze. No matter how many people were paying attention, I would not be able to do it.

"Okay," I say because I know I can't get out of this one.

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When same-sex marriage was legalized in my home state, my moms celebrated, that was the day I had rested near the tree, confused. At the age of ten, gay marriage was legalized for the whole country. By this time, I finally understood what it meant.

It didn't stop the stares that my family received as we shopped innocently at target.

It didn't stop the hate speech that flooded my classroom.

It didn't stop people from calling me, and my parents' nasty words.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

I noticed how once same-sex couples received equal rights, straight couples immediately declared that 'the gays' wanted extra rights.

Almost as if straight couples didn't already have a right to legal marriage.

What the legalization of gay marriage meant was the government could stop worrying about making people like my mothers happy.

What legalizing gay marriage meant was that a document, a certificate of marriage, that was all they intended to give.

That was all they intended to do to stop the hate.

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"Hey Kels, how has your week been?" Anna-Elle asks.

I slump forward in my chair as I shrug my shoulders.

To be quite honest, it had been a pretty mediocre week.

Of course, it had its ups and downs, but it was calm.