Her Vocation

32. Sabrun Jameel

He continued to sit in his place on the ground and watch me unblinking. As if, his mind couldn't comprehend what his ears were hearing and he wished someone to nudge him out of this trance.

Finally, he blinked and averted his gaze. His mouth hung open, in hope to say something but words seemed to have lost him. I kept on watching the bewildered look on his face, even when he had got up to turn his back on me.

"Aasiya—" I heard him say a moment's while later, but still didn't look up.

"I get it. I understand." He began slowly, as if still trying to process the information, I had just dumped on him.

"You've been through a lot—I get it. I know. I can imagine how hard it might seem for you to trust me or anyone after everything—but I can wait. I am willing to wait—and the sect thing? I don't think it should change anything but either way, there's no need to rush into this. You can take your time. I am not going to force you into anything that you don't want. I can't—I won't, do that—I am not Naveed, Aasiya—" At his words, I had somehow managed to look up through tears. I caught him releasing a small sigh and run a hand through his hair.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Aasiya—I am willing to try my hardest to fight for a future with you. Just because you've had to live like this in the past doesn't mean you have to continue doing it forever—You don't have to be alone anymore. I am here for you; to love you and protect you. All you have to do is, take my hand—and let me." Just as he finished, I turned down my eyes, letting the tears drip onto my labcoat and create a splotch.

He really wasn't Navi—He wasn't. And how grateful I was, to Allah for that.

I was so glad that he never once said, he was willing to change his faith for me—I felt so relieved, that he didn't force his love on me. So grateful that he held enough respect for me to not do that—Because if he had said that he was going to change his faith, just so I would agree to become a part of his life, then all the memories of him that I held so dear to my heart would've had become tainted by regret. If he was willing to leave his beliefs just for a person—then who's to say he wouldn't have left me later for something else too. Nothing I could've said or done would've lured him to salvation. No human being can do that—Guidance is but only from Allah, our job is only to relay the message.

"Surely, you do not guide whomever you love, but Allah guides whomever He wills. And He knows best the ones [who are] rightly guided." (Quran 28:56)

"Here. Take my number. It's a burner phone, so there won't be any risk of tapping—" He was saying while noting down his number on the back of a card. I didn't say anything but kept on gawking him silently through tears.

"Does it hurt?"

Yeah—it does. It hurts so much Allah.

"—I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah." (Quran 12:86)

And as I continued to watch him, unintentionally a sob escaped my mouth, which I had to quieten down by biting down on my lips.

"We don't appreciate the value of things when they are in our possession. Only when we are deprived, do we realise their true worth—But by then it's too late, huh, Captain?"

"The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord—" (Sahih al-Bukhari 1303)

I watched his hand extended out to me and gulped down the lump of tears before taking it.