Bae Friend

Explaining

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Amy

I must admit I couldn't stop thinking about him fucking me over and over again. Thoughts ran wild in my mind.
I can't get enough of him. I'd screw him everyday if it was possible.

But I can't let myself fall for him again. I can't handle that hurt not anymore. I'm getting old I'm a big a girl, I need to settle down and start a family like Jessica has with Mark well sort of.

They all said I'd be the first to have children cause I loved them so much. But look at that, here I am no boyfriend no husband no kids. Just a million and one thoughts of Lucas pounding into me.

You still like him huh?

I heard the bitch in my mind ask.
No I don't, I'm just here for the weekend I'll be gone and he'll forget me.

Nope. You're gonna screw all weekend and you're gonna go home with regret

Shut up!

You know I'm right

Ughh I hate when she was right. She usually got me in trouble, but maybe she was right. Oh well, I'm in it for the long game.

I laughed at my thought I remembered when I said that to Lucas after we had sex the first or was it the second time? He just smiled at me and said "In time". I never understood what he meant I don't think I do now. I never understood anything he said he always spoke in riddles and left me to figure them out, to figure him out. But he only showed me the safe side of him, the hard side, after a few years our wonderful friendship just became on the basis of sex. Nothing less nothing more. Or at least that's how I felt.

Sleeping with him made me realize more than a few things. The main one being he really cared about me. But what puzzled me was he said he cared he showed it, but I still got hurt. Or was that an accident? It wasn't supposed to happen like that? I wasn't supposed to fall for him?

Who are you kidding you know he knew you were going going to sleep with he knew you'd like him. He knew everything, it was all planned out. Boys are stupid.

Yeah you're probably right. I lost myself in someone who didn't loose themself in me.

And all we had left was a broken heart and after all these years you still haven't come to terms with the shit that has happened in your pass?

No no I haven't. I guess I was preoccupied

You drown yourself in you work. You have no friends, you have no fun. When was the last time you had good sex?

I have friends there's Kassidy. And I had sex last night that counts right?

No it doesn't

I am slapped from my arugements with my little voice in my head when a pillow collided with my face.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!"  I yelled

"Calm down it's just me Jesus" I look up to see Mark standing in front of me

"What is it?" I asked pissed he bothered me.

"Can we talk?"

"We haven't spoken in God he knows how long. I come here and ever since I arrived I've been getting the cold shoulder and you want to talk??"

Ever since I left Mark and haven't really connected. He found her dad, he was some drugs dealer or whatever you call those people. And he really didn't care if we were alive or not, I didn't want to meet him so I didn't. Until he was hospitalized and apologized for his deeds and begged forgiveness Mark ofcourse forgave him in an instant but I could see that it still hurt him. As for me when I heard the typical 'Im sorry for abandoning you' cliche shit I walked. I left the hospital got in a cab and got on the first flight back to collage. Never heard if he died or what, I never really cared.