Light In My Darkness

12

A life that was once filled with full of happiness, laughter, love, and colorful memories, is now drenched and soaked in my salty tears. My life without him is like a fish trying to breathe without water.

It's been three months of never-ending pain, loneliness, and nights filled with nightmares, I suffer every day without him.

Drowning deeper and deeper into this misery with every passing minute and it's hilarious how that a small part of me still expects that my old Liam will come back and pull me out, freeing me from this torment, when the truth is, he is the one who put me through this.

His memories haunt me mercilessly. So many nights I was on the verge of calling him to come and cradle me into his arms, to rock me back to sleep. But I stopped myself as the images of him slipping the engagement ring into her finger flashed through.

Sometimes, I wish I could lose these feelings for him, I wish I could forget about all those beautiful moments, I wish I could lose the mind that reminds me of him, just like I lost him.

Life can never be the same without him, and the most difficult part of this dreadful journey is seeing him with another woman. His heart where he treasured and cherished me once, now belongs to someone else, it belongs to Eloise. She replaced me, and it feels like someone is squeezing my heart painfully without listening to my plea.

What he claims as his love for me now is merely physical attraction, I've become a challenge that he wants to win at any cost.

The only time I ever gave love a chance, I ended up broken and shattered, he gave me all the happiness in the world only to snatch it away from me.

And it's sad how he was the reason I used to wake up with a smile on my face, and now he is the reason I cry my heart out before going back to sleep, feeling helpless and all alone.

Though I still couldn't accept the fact that we have no future together, that he can never be mine, a part of me is still happy that he walked into my life and showed me how happy, colorful and bright my life can be. And that part will always love him forever.

I pity myself that I couldn't do anything about it, I could neither encourage it nor put a full stop to it. I feel absolutely powerless in front of my love for him.

I hug myself, caging my legs with my hands, rocking back and forth as I let my tears cascade freely. Even my eyes betrayed me as it flashed his images when I tried to close my eyes to escape this reality.

I was overwhelmed by this sudden urge to be with him, and the only way I can be close to him right now is by reliving those moments.

I walked towards my closet and picked up my most prized possession, my diary. It was given to me by my nana, I still remember what she said while giving me this.

'Fill these empty pages with your beautiful memories and the pages that are now plain and empty will give you a reason to smile and relive those moments when you're of my age, sweetheart.'

The pages of this book have witnessed everything, right from my happiness, to my weird unfulfilled wishes, to my sadness to date.

I flipped pages after pages, a smile crept on my face as read and remembered about that day.

We were on our way back home after our dinner date to celebrate our sixth month anniversary, when it starts to pour.

'Liam, stop the car.'

He looked puzzled. 'what wrong baby, do you even know what time it is?' He questions me. 'Moreover, it's pouring outside, a storm is on its way and you want me to stop the car.'