Something Precious {H.S.}

8: ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢs?

Dear Diary,

Ellie has started to give me an allowance, so this morning I stopped at Smoothie King before I went to school. I also got Winona and Simone smoothies as well which they really appreciated. How could I tell? Well, when I gave them their smoothies, they tackled me with hugs.

I.. also got Zander a smoothie too. It may seem weird, but we're actually good friends now. The day that Ellie and Liam surprised me with my car, Zander stuffed his number in my hand while I was crying practically in front of the whole school. We started texting, and now we're great friends.

I feel as if I can be happy, now. I mean, I can actually feel my happiness and try to enjoy it without feeling guilty. I think Rox would've wanted me to be happy and live my life.

I can't lie though. The grief is at an all time high. It comes and goes at random times. I miss her, and I miss my dad. My mom? I don't really care that she committed suicide in jail and I feel bad that I don't feel bad.

I remember everything about my dad. He was the best father to Roxy and I, despite the fact that my mom was a strung out addict. He always tried to shield her from us but he couldn't always do that.

According to Roxy, our carrier wasn't always like this, but I wasn't around to see her original personality. I once snuck and read Roxy's diary when I was little. In the diary, Roxy wrote that our egg donor turned to drugs because she was shunned from her family for marrying a black man. I didn't understand this at the time, but now I do.

That doesn't excuse her actions though. I feel like even if she was shunned, she still had us, right? Why weren't we enough?

She would show up to our schools, our house, and even restaurants we would be at. I always thought that she wanted to get to know Roxy and I, but that was never the case. Once, I overheard a conversation between them and all she wanted was money for crack. That conversation broke my heart and made me hate my biological mother.

She once kidnapped me when I was 4 and held me for ransom until my father gave her money for drugs. I don't remember these events, and I don't wish to. I was only told about it. I can only imagine the repressed memories I have from that.

The night that our dad died, our mOtHeR broke into our house. She was alone, but she had a certain look in her eye that she never had before.

When I saw her stab my dad over and over again, that hate for her intensified. I wanted to jump out and tackle her but I was afraid.