Something Precious {H.S.}

13: ɢᴜɪʟᴛ

2 Weeks Later

Today I am 14 weeks pregnant. My appointment is in two hours, but I'm dancing in my bathroom instead of getting ready.

I felt a little apprehension towards going back to the place where everything went south. Instead of feeling like that, I decided to just think of it as a place where I get to see my babies.

My 13 week appointment was supposed to be last week, but something happened with my doctor and they had to reschedule.

I was kinda upset about it, but I eventually got over it.

When Dancing In The Dark by Joji begins to play, I stop dancing and just sing along. Analyzing myself in the mirror, I notice that my skin is practically shimmering with pregnancy glow. This is the best my skin has ever behaved in my life and I'm here for it. My eyes then trail down to my breasts, which have gone a size up, and they (my eyes) stop on my stomach.

My belly has popped out, what seems like, overnight and it's now obvious that I'm pregnant. Only 3 months and two weeks in and it looks like I swallowed a cantaloupe. I can only imagine how huge I'll get as the months progress.

I work out every other day (because I like to be lazy), and I eat healthy most of the time (because l love food). My cravings have been spazzing out though. Last week, I woke up at 3am, bawling my eyes out, because I wanted a banana split with pop rocks and dijon mustard, and nobody was there to get it for me.

After I got myself together, I went out and got it myself, and it was the best thing I've ever tasted.

Crazy? Yeah, I know.

Today I decide to go makeup free and I tie my hair up into a high ponytail. I get dressed in a long flowy purple floral dress. I pair it with silver sandals and silver dangling earrings. I look down at my wedding ring, glinting in the light. I go to take it off, but something seizes in my heart when I try.

The only reason I even attempted to take it off was to see if I could. That would tell me that one day I'd be truly happy again and be able to move on.

I'm not ready yet.

I leave my ring on.

Before I leave, I take my prenatals and my heart medicine along with a mango smoothie and a croissant. Daria already left hours ago, and it's nice to know that she's safe in school.

As I'm driving, I keep one hand on my stomach, hoping that the twins will kick. I haven't felt them since that day at the carnival, and I miss it. I hope and pray that they're both okay. I've grown so attached to them and I already love them dearly. I talk to them all the time and I even sing to them sometimes. I know that they can't hear me yet, but I still like to do it.

I'm almost there when I start craving takis, sour cream, and jalapeños.

Groaning in annoyance, I make a u-turn and speed a little to get to the nearest Safeway. I've learned that if I don't indulge my cravings, I will literally cry like a little ass baby. I get on my own damn nerves. So I end up giving in most of the time.