somewhere only we know

thursday 12 : 19 sander

I am eating alone at the cafeteria when Robbe comes at me.
- What are you doing ? he asks
- I am eating. I just answer
- Alone ? he adds
- Yeah, seems like.
He stares at me for a while before sitting next to me.
- What's wrong? he asks
- Nothing.
- Come on Sander, why are you ignoring the guys, you are always so black and white ! What is wrong ? You can tell us.

That's funny, really funny actually, now i know he isnt the one.
- You just convinced me to never tell you guys what is wrong with me.
He frowns.
- What do you mean "what is wrong with you"?
Shit. I am caught.
- Never mind.
- You cant leave things like those, man we are all lost !
- Lost ? It is better than you guys knowing me, trust me Robbe you dont wanna know me.

There is a silent that Robbe breaks.
- I know you. he says seriously
I laugh and ask : 
- Oh yeah ? You do ?
- Yes.
- Okay then who am I ?

This is gonna be really funny.
- You are... you are lonely, and lost, and questioning, you act like everything is alright... but it's not, you feel like you are in jail, guilty of who you are... he says

I look at him for a long time. This is exactly how I feel.
- Or maybe you are just an high school cliche i dont know ! adds Robbe to joke and cheer me up a bit
I smile a bit and answer :
- I like the first guess better. I say honestly
- Oh okay, then I am good at guessing?
- I believe you are.

We look at each other for a while but then Britt comes and hugs me.
- Sander ! I didnt see you for a whole day ! Oh my God I missed you so much !

I hug her awkwardly.
- Yeah hum... same Britt.
- Aww you are so cute ! Oh hey Robbe ! Everything's chill? she asks
- Yeah! Robbe nods
- Great, Sander isnt in his best shape recently, do you know why ?
- No, maybe he is stressing for the week at Jen's house ? proposes Robbe
- Yeah, maybe, you dont have to stress Sander, I'll be there I already told you and you know the guys, it will be okay.
She smiles and pets my hair while she says the whole thing.
- Noor is coming by the way Britt ! affirms Robbe suddenly

I see what he is doing, trying to make me jealous and see my reaction.

- How nice ! So it is very serious between Noor and you ? asks Britt
She just asked the question I was burning to ask.
- Yeah, it is. just answers Robbe
- Did you guys do it ?? adds Britt

I roll my eyes, Robbe seems to not want to talk about it, I get it, he is gay and they did nothing, typical.

- Not everything is about sex Britt, I just answer to help Robbe
- Yeah not everything, but it makes the couple more tasty ! she laughs
- Yeah, about that, what is this text you sent me ?
- What text ?
- About us having sex at jens's house.
- Yeah okay, what is the problem with it ?
- I dont think I wanna do it, at Jens's house. I admit

I see Robbe looking carefully at my face.
- Why not ? We didnt do it since a while now, since your party actually. she says
- Yeah I know but I dont feel comfortable to do it with so many people around. I just tell
- It isnt a problem usually.
She isnt wrong but that's different here.
- I dont wanna do it with Robbe around. I admit seriously
- Robbe ? Why him ?
I can see Robbe having a cute little smile on the side of his cheek.
- I mean not with the guys around ! I dont know them enough to be comfortable about doing it, especially if I am at Jen's house!
- Oh... okay then...

I catch Robbe looking carefully at me, searching if I am or not telling the truth.