How too love again?

Silence in my blood part-2

AN: Haa haa phele dala hai because tum last me kaha dekhte ho... Part padne se phele yeh baate dhayan me rkhni hai.

1: part padne ke baad like and comment Krna nhi bhulna... Varna main part dala bhul jaaungi😂

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“Meko laga tha voh mystery ke baare me hogi or nahi....” She trails off.

“Humare bare me?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeh start me toh mystery hi tha but just.... right feel nhi hua." He explains. She wants to know everything but doesn’t ask. He hands over the cup of tea to Shehnaaz and says “Aaja baith ke baat krte hai.” He leads her to the couch and she sits next to him, waiting for him to continue explaining. She almost wants to hate how much better she feels just being around him. It almost makes her wish she hadn’t let her whole being be so intertwined with him, but ultimately, she doesn’t. "Main chahta tha phele tu pade because agar teko asa lage ki yeh book me nhi hona chahiye." 

Brows furrowed, she questions. Ki “Matlb main smjhi nhi?”

He sighs. “I mean, stuff tere baare me, humare baare me.”

“No.” She murmurs and he seems relieved at her reaction. “Meko chalega... meko bs yeh tha ki.. main teko... pata nhi bs meko tujhse bat krni thi. main.. yeh bhot... maine teko bhot hurt kiya hai Sidharth.” She frowns, already feeling the tears burning in her eyes.

“Hey, no, no, Shehnaaz. Meko teko yeh nhi dekhana tha. Haan tune hurt kiya hai but abhi main thik hun or sab thik hai abhi."

“I’m so sorry. Or main Humesha sorry rhungi jo bhi maine kiya." 

“I forgive you.” He tells her.

“I know that. But main kbhi khud ko maaf nhi kar paaugi and....”

“Shehnaaz,” he grabs her hand in his, smiling softly. “We were kids, living in a nightmarish world.”

“But yeh excuse hai.” She responds and he frowns. “ Tu yeh yaad rkh ki kuch be excuse nhi ho skta. Bhale jaha hum re rhe the voh kitni hi kharab jaga thi but maine fuck up kiya. Main gayi or ek cheez ko kharab kr diya jisne meko khushi di hai humesha.”

He pauses, sighing softly. “Okay, then.” She looks up at him. “Abhi se      voh phele vale Sidnaaz nhi hai hum.. Abhi just you and me, yaha, right now, phir se start karenge. Kyaa hum kr skte hai vps start? Sana?”

“Sidharth...”

“ Shehnaaz I want you in my life. That’s it. Meko farak nhi padta ki kya hua tha. And meko lagta hai ki yeh mera decision hona chahiye. Tum apne aap ko blame nhi kr skti ho ki tum worthless ho yaa layak nhi ho pyaar ke.. No... and main tumhe help krunga ki tum apne aap ko maaf kr sko and ase dekho apne ap ko jasie main tumhe dekhta hun.”

She shakes her head, sniffling. “Kyu? Kyu kr rha hai tu yeh?”

“Because I love you. And mera tere liye jo pyaar hai voh mera life me kissi ke sath nhi hua asa pyaar hai tere sath..or naa kbhi hoga because tuhi hai sb mere liye.”

She smiles and kisses his chest.

He smiles, squeezing her hand. 

“ Sidharth teko pata main bhot try kr rhi hu khud pr zada hard na hone ka. Therapy achhi jaa rhi thi but jbhi se teko dekha hai na main jasie ekdum off balance ho gayi hun.” He frowns at her words and she backtracks, eyes wide. “Nhi nhi vasie nhi Sidharth.” There’s an assertiveness in her voice jumping out. She wants him to know him being back in her life is probably the best thing that has happened in the last three years. “I missed you so much and you make me feel better. So much better.” She pauses. “But tu meko yeh be yaad karata hai ki maine kasie Sidnaaz ko toda or usko be jisse main bhot pyaar krti hun.”

“I trust you.” Sidharth murmurs after a beat. Her eyes search for his as he says this and as she expected, there isn’t a hint that he isn’t telling the truth.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Haan Vps start krte hai.” She can’t help but smile at him.

“Friends?”

It’s enough for now. If that’s all he ever wants to be, she’ll give it to him. 

“Friends.” She promises.

“Hug kar abhi.” He grins and she’s reminded of the sixteen year old boy she learned to love to the core. The boy that had held her when she broke down. The boy who solved mysteries with her and the boy who loved her with every bit of himself.

Being in his arms again feels like a new promise to her soul. A promise of healing, bit by bit. With a smile and a question. With sigh of relief.

He pulls away and she immediately feels the loss of his warmth but baby steps, she tells herself. She’ll take every step carefully. “Abhi bhot serious baate ho gayi. Ghadi bata konsiii movie dekhegi.”

"Ghadi nhi hu main."

"Ghadi toh tu hai." He smiles widely and she can't help but give in. After that they play a rom-com.

It’s strange to do something as mundane as watching a movie with him. To sit beside him after all these years, laughing at his commentary. But she feels herself heal, like she can feel his forgiveness, like maybe she sees a day where she can forgive herself.

So she falls asleep on his couch and wakes to an empty apartment but a note on the coffee table, alerting her that he was in a meeting and would be for the whole morning. Sending out a text, saying she’s heading back to New York for collage, she gets off the couch and leaves with a lighter heart than when she came in.

It’s scary how seamlessly he fits into her life. They talk daily, text all the time and it’s as though nothing ever happened. It feels good. Having him in her life feels good and apparently everyone around her notices the shift in her mood.

Alvira smirks every time Shehnaaz checks her phone when they’re working. She sends knowing looks and Shehnaaz blushes. Sidharth comes to New York a few times and she travels down to New Jersey to visit him. It’s easy. Being friends with him is easy. He understands her like no one ever will, she thinks. It’ll never be like that with anyone else.

Three months after their decision to be back in each other’s life, she graduates. She takes Charles’ offer and gets a job at the FBI. She isn’t an agent quite yet, she doesn’t meet the age requirements but Charles is able to pull a few strings and she’s apparently accepted as an in training officer. She’s placed in New Jersey.