How too love again?

Chapter- 5

“Shefali ae hue hai yaha.” Shehnaaz mentions after a few seconds of silence. He questions how she knows. " Um twitter... voh vaha se block Krna bhul gayi meko main kuch dalti nhi bs check krti hu.”

“Tu usko check krti?”

“Haa achii hai voh.. or usne ek event company be London me open ki hai or actually sucessful hai.”

“I know.” Sidharth gulps. “I...um, main touch me hu uske.”

Shehnaaz hesitates, he can tell how she falters for second. He should’ve told her sooner but it always felt like it’d be a blow to her. To know that her ex boyfriend and ex best friend were sort of friends. “Tu or Shefali?”

“Haa bs thode bhot msgs ki kaha kyaa chl rha hai vagera.. or abhi uske dad ki death ke baad mai usse milne London be gaya tha jb main Italy me tha.” She nods, setting her mug down on the counter. “Ye thik hai na?”

“Haa kyuu sab sahi toh hai?” Her defense is up in a second.

“Tumko pata hai main kya baat kr rha hun.”

“Nhi Sidharth meko koe problem nhi hai... Shefali ne meko apni life se khud cut down kiya hai sahi reason ke vaja se.. or abhi hum dost vagera kuch nhi hai toh mujhe uski baat nhi krni or agar tu or voh dost ho be toh isme meri feeling tere mind me nhi aana chahiye.”

“Teri feeling humesha mere mind me thi.” In more ways than one.

The conversation looses its momentum. They’re quiet for a moment. He wants to know what she’s thinking. But she doesn’t give anything away. Instead, she drinks the remaining chai in her cup and turns to wash the mug.

This feels complicated, he thinks. You’re my best friend and sometimes I don’t know why you can’t talk to me, he wants to say.

“Abhi meko jaana chahiye.” She tells him, clearing her throat. “Meko gross lag rha hai or meko change be Krna hai.”

“Right.”

“Bye Sidharth. Happy New Year.” She breezes past him, pausing for a second to kiss his cheek before picking out her jacket from the pile people had left over and her purse and leaving.

• 

Shefali is sitting across from him at what he knows will probably be the most expensive place he’ll have eaten all week because the menus don’t even have prices. She’s still very much her own extravagant self. And although, he’d never expected to consider her a friend l, he supposed the shared life experiences kind of made all the difference. Asim and Shehnaaz episode the most prominent.

“Tum kbhi tak ho yaha?” He questions, gulping down the wine he does not want to know the price of. Even if maybe, he can afford it now.

“Until Monday. Uske baad London chali jaungi.” Shefali answers and he nods, there’s a pause. He can tell Shefali wants to talk about one specific thing. “Shehnaaz lives in New Jersey.”

“She does.”

“Tu yeh baat meko kbhi batane vala tha ki tumari dosti vagera chal rhi hai?”

“Shefali.” Jughead warns.

“What?”

“Teko kasie pata?”

“I check her Instagram.”

“Tune usko block kiya tha na?”

" Main fake id use kr rhi hun.”

“Tune fake id banai uske liye or yeh bhot effort hai uske liye jo bolta hai... main abhi care nhi krti.”

Shefali scoffs. “Point pr aa.”

“No, no, no, yehi point hai!” He argues. “Apna pride chod kr be socha kr Shehnaaz hurt hai abhi tak or kaafi saal ho gaye hai.”

A bitter laugh escapes her. “Aww so sad.. Usne mistake ki thi right.”

“ Hum bache thee!  Shehnaaz traumatized and scared thi future ko lekr and usne mistake ki!! Or usko fully regret hai or abhi be krti hai! Or voh sensible Asim se zada hi hai. And she fucking tortured herself kitne saalo tak and voh still krti hai!! It's fucked up Shefali!!” He sighs, leaning back against his chair. “Kabhi socha hai tu usko kyu maaf nhi kr paa rhi? Because teko be pata hai asim asa nhi hai jasia tune socha tha? Voh selfish hai. And usne yeh kiya apne selfishness me and Sana ka confusion and fear tha or yeh baat Sana ko kab ka realise ho gayi hai.”

Shefali stares at him. “Asim ko humesha vohi chahiye tha jo uska nhi hai.”

“That’s my point, Shefali.”

“So, what? She still fucked up!”

“Teko ye baat sikh leni chahiye ki logo ko heal hone me time lagta hai. Shayad ab time aa gaya hai ki tu let go kre. Or ek baat. Shehnaaz ne tera illusion toda.. Haina?"

Shefali’s demeanor changes and she sinks into her chair. He’s right, he knows that. 

"Tu sahi hai." Shefali accepts. "And main let go krne ke liye be ready hun."

“Iska matlb yeh hai ki tu kl hum dono ke sath dinner kregi?”

“Shehnaaz kregi?”

He nods. “Definitely. Voh start me thoda panic kregi but haan. Usko lagta hai sb usse nafrat krte hai so agar voh ase behave kre ki voh apne aap ko maarne vali hai please used too ho jaaana.”

“Okay.” Shefali nods.

•

“Mere dil me dhak dhak ho rhi hai.” Shehnaaz breathes out, pacing around his living room.

“Shehnaaz nervous hone ki zarurat nhi hai voh just Shefali hai..” He laughs softly.

"Teko pata be hai tu kya bol rha hai Sidharth. Voh Shefali hai. Voh meko hate krti hai!”