“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Tu kyu maafi mang rhi hai."
“Yeh time kya tha?” She questions, reaching for his hand.
“Sab tha. Tera jaana phir humara 3 years gap. Everything.” He shook his head. “I lost you. Tu shot hue or mere arms me bleed kr rhi thi chahe main kitnaa kuch be kr lun tu uth hi nhi rhi thii-“
“Sidharth..” She frowns, tears welling up in her eyes.
“I guess, you getting shot, it messed me up a little...” He breathes out. “But abhi tu thik hai or mere liye yehi matter krta hai. Or main uspr hi focus krunga. Bs yeh jbhi meko call aaya tha tbhi mera pura world upside down ho gaya tha.” He pauses for a second, pondering over his next words and what had been on his mind for the last couple of weeks. “But Charles is right. Yeh tera job hai. I wish ki kuch or hota but teko yeh pasnd hai.”
Her brows furrow. “Sid...”
“Just maine phele kbhi nhi socha iske baare me. But abhi jb meko dekha hai toh I'm scared... Shehnaaz you're my best friend in the world or main teko bilkul nhi khona chata hu kbhi be sochta hun-“
“Tu meko nhi khoega main ekdum thik hun.” She tells him.
“But voh bache safe hai. Main apne sath rhe nhi pati agar meko pata hota ki main kuch kr skti thi but nhi kiya.”
“I know.” He sighs. “I know that. It’s just...you mean too much to me.” At his admission, she tries to avoid the feeling that curses through her like wildfire. Trying to convince herself of the fact that what she feels isn’t the same as he feels, it couldn’t possibly be because that would be too much to handle.
She lets out a soft laugh. As if to say he doesn’t doubt it. Shehnaaz Gill’s brain was surely above average and her perseverance was nothing short of astonishing. She knows it’s a scary thing, to know something could go wrong at any given time. But people get hurt everyday, sometimes just walking down the street and yeah, her job is dangerous but every job is dangerous. It is America after all, who knows what lunatics with guns will do. Even his job is dangerous. Who knows what kind of people read his book? There’s been no shortage of writers getting stalkers, delusional fans, obsessive fans. The world is a dangerous jungle and they just have to live in it and find the little pockets of hope and happiness.
“I’m just happy you’re alive.” Sidharth murmurs after a beat. Her heart flutters in her chest and she wonders how she’s supposed to survive any longer without kissing him.
Shehnaaz gets better, she moves more freely now but Sidharth is still hesitant to let her truly do anything on her own . Showers are still a bit complicated with only one arm, but at least her free one is fully functional and it doesn’t hurt extending it, in fear of the wound on her chest. Her visit to the doctor’s office let her know it was healing nicely, no infections, the tissue was healing pretty quickly. No stitches, which meant everything was going as it should.
Sidharth is glancing at her every few moments in the car, as he drives. He’d been nervous and skittish every moment they were in the hospital and she couldn’t miss the relief on his face when the doctor said everything was going well. He’d been hovering less and less, no longer worrying when she decided to walk around the apartment. They went on walks together around the block, because she needed some kind of physical activity so she counted that as a win. Sidharth had never been this attentive or rather, worried to the point of her getting a little annoyed at times. He’d always been a caring, loving boyfriend who was concerned with her well being, especially since her mental health usually plummeted every week. But this was different.
“Sidharth kya hua?” She sighs. “Main thik hu. Ab toh doctor ne be bol diya toh kyaa hua?”
There’s a pauses, he gulps, hands gripping the wheel. “Am I smothering you?” (smothering means over caring and protective)
“Kya?”
“Kya main- bhot zada ho rha hai?” He questions. He sounds so vulnerable, so self conscious. Sidharth of now was a lot more confident than he’d ever been. He’d grown into his own and you could see how different he was. This Sidharth reminds her of him in the weeks before their first kiss.
She leans back against the car seat and then turns her head to him. “Kabhi kabhi.” She answers honestly. “Main voh meko bhot time se akele rhene ki adat hai or mera kissi ne kbhi itna care nhi kiya or tunee bhot zada take care ki hai meri... just meko adat nhi hai iski.”
“Main uske vaja se nhi-“
“I know because tu meri chinta krta hai or yeh bhot scary hai.” She reassures him. “But smjh ok worst part khatam ho gaya hai.” The way he’s looking at her forces her to look away, the gaze entirely too intense as the car comes to halt in front of his apartment building.
She’d be blind if she didn’t notice the growing tension between them. She had tried to ignore it because all it was was probably just sexual, pure sexual tension, of touching her and that was too much to think about. It’d been getting a little more complicated to resist the thoughts that plagued her mind now the pain was gone and her mind didn’t have much else to do. The memories of before. She knew, if anything, they’d always be sexually compatible. There was no denying the fact. Push comes to shove, if there is no romantic link anymore between them, she knows she isn’t bad looking and Sidharth had always been incredibly fond of her body, to put it lightly. She still remembers exactly what he likes, she guesses that doesn’t really change.
He doesn’t say another word though. He helps her out of the car, she refrains from insisting that she can do it alone. There is something else in the air than his usual concern for her wellbeing. And it terrifies her that she still knows him. That it hasn’t changed. That Sidharth is still Sidharth, only older and sometimes, lighter. The boy she’s known for most of her life is still there. She still knows how his mind works and the sudden notion of it startles her. She’d somehow convinced herself that things were different, that it was all different, they were different. But that wasn’t true. It wasn’t true at all. It’s like everything that was blurry is now crystal clear. Because she knows exactly what the look on his face means when they walk into the apartment.
Once the door shuts and she takes her jacket off, walking further inside and he’s staring at her. She sees it very clearly.
He wants her.
He wants her.
“Shehnaaz?”
No. She wouldn’t make it past this month. It’s laughable to think she ever could.
But maybe, he couldn’t either.
Omg omg it's happening ❤️❤️
Yayaya Finallyyyy I did make them do it 😉
It's going too end soon now....🥺
YOU ARE READING
How too love again?
RomanceIn the darkest timeline, Shehnaaz Gill kisses Asim. To be clear, I don't believe shehnaaz gill would ever do this. Alas, this came up. She should've told him right away. And this is it. It's Shehnaaz Gill realizing she fucked up and Sidharth Shukla...
