“Book ka cover kaisa laga teko?” He questions over Chinese food on the floor of her practically empty new apartment. He’d been helping her unpack. “Kya yeh... I don't know... cheezy toh nhi lag rha na? Blue color?”
Swallowing her food, she confesses. “Meko lag rha hi ki feel nhi aa rhi book ki cover se.”
He nods. “Book softer hai naa? Yeh bhot darkk lag rha hai dekhne se.”
“Tere pass koe dusre options hai uske alawa?” She questions.
“Haa ek hai jo meko bhot acha laga. Just book ka naam and mera naam hoga. Neon background me. Maine unko specially Neon background kaha.”
In her head, she knows why he picked blue but she asks anyway. “Why Neon?”
With a shrug, he smiles. “It’s your favourite color.”
Gulping, she manages to smile back. “Teko neon rkhna chahiye.”
He does.
A week into living in New Jersey , he introduces her to a few friends he’d made in the city. The group is nice, funny and she can clearly see why Sidharth is friends with them. They have a similar sense of humour and they welcome her in easily, it warms her heart to see Sidharth look so relaxed. It also reminds her of how much things have changed.
“So, where did you two meet?” Sheena a girl with short hair and stunning smile, asks her, cigarette in her mouth. Sheena is kind, Shehnaaz can tell. She immediately asks a million questions about Shehnaaz the moment they meet, giving her her full attention with a kind of warmth Shehnaaz isn’t quite used to.
Sidharth takes a sip of his beer with a smile. “We grew up together.”
Shehnaaz eyes him for a second. She knows it takes a lot more than a simple conversation to explain how they met. When they were kids? Or when they actually met each other for who they were? Should she say their minds knew each other since they were six but their souls met at sixteen? Was that too much?
Sheena becomes the more permanent fixture in her life out of the group. They both enjoy running. They live in the same neighbourhood, coincidentally and Sheena works in an office near the FBI headquarters. It’s not like Shefali, but it’s not like her college friends, as nice as they were. She’s a bit like Alvira, although she’s mostly lost touch with her bookstore best friend apart from a few texts. Sheena makes her laugh, they go out for drinks, Sheena talks about her girl and boy problems. Shehnaaz doesn’t talk about any of that but they have enough in common to not have to broach the subject, on her part.
Shehnaaz likes her life now, more than she did a few months ago. And although, at times, when it’s late and Sidharth is over at her apartment or she’s over at his, she’d like to kiss him and tell him she’s in love with him, she’s happy. She’s genuinely happy.
•
Winter brings something she wasn’t expecting. Sidharth goes on a date, he starts dating a girl named Arti. She’d asked him out, she’d made him laugh with a dumb joke, he tells her when they’re walking to the bar to meet everyone.
“Teko koe problem toh nhi hai na?” He had asked like she had a say in the matter.
She brushes him off, forcing a smile. “Haa mujhe kyu problem hogi?” Pushing the door to the bar open, she greets everybody with a grin. She drinks two extra shots that night to numb the pain. And hates it in the morning.
Arti is not what she wanted her to be. The girl is sweet, they meet when Sidharth invites everyone over for dinner because the book had been selling so well and he wanted to celebrate.
“Teko gussa nhi aa rha us pr?” Sheena groans, puffing out smoke as she sits with Shehnaaz in the fire escape. Her newest friend is staring at Arti and Sidharth, Shehnaaz is trying her best not to look.
Shehnaaz laughs. “Sheena!”
“What? Asa nhi hai ki main juth bolungi! ” Sheena is blunt. Shehnaaz likes that. “She’s sweet, thik hai but voh right fit nhi hai. Or Arti yeh kitna terrible naam hai.” She sighs, adverting her gaze away as Sheena turns to look at her. “How can you do this?”
“Kya?”
“This. Act krna ki sab thik hai tu or Sidharth?”
“Sab thik hai or hum be thik hai.” Shehnaaz’s never talked about Sidharth in those terms to Sheena. Sheena doesn’t know the whole truth about them, but seems to feel it anyway.
“Sidharth ki book me tu hi hai na voh ladki?” The question catches her off guard and she blows out a breath, wanting to sink into her jacket.
“Haan.” She answers finally. “Teko kasie pata chala?”
“I figured. He’s different around you.” Sheena explains and Shehnaaz can understand her point. It would always be different with him. “You hurt him.”
She nods. “I did.”
“But usse thousand times zada teko hurt hua na?”
A beat passes, her heart aches. “Main tut gayi thi.”
Sheena places a gentle hand on Shehnaaz’s thigh and smiles at her. “I believe in fate, babe. So bs wait and watch."
Shehnaaz laughs softly. “Tu be poet hai?”
“Jasie Sidharth ne tere baare me likha teko pata hi hoga poet kon hai.”
She goes home alone and tries to forget about it all.
YOU ARE READING
How too love again?
浪漫In the darkest timeline, Shehnaaz Gill kisses Asim. To be clear, I don't believe shehnaaz gill would ever do this. Alas, this came up. She should've told him right away. And this is it. It's Shehnaaz Gill realizing she fucked up and Sidharth Shukla...
