How too love again?

Chapter 11

Sidharth hasn’t forgotten about it. Because she can’t help but smile softly at how wonderful it feels. Even then, he doesn’t say anything. She can feel the energy radiating off of him, he’s nervous, cautious, so she guesses the memories must be spinning around his head as well.

“Done.” She can feel the smile on his face through his voice, knows it’s the kind that is genuine but held back. His fingers ghost down her back, before pulling away from her. “Towel lekr aata hun wait. And kapdo me Tshirt and track?”

“Haan or...mmm... Undergarments?”

“Haa right right.” He laughs softly.

“Yeh bhot awkward ho rha haina? Meko lag rha hai.”

He looks at her with a strange look in his face. “Nhi hona chahiye...Or meri main priority h ki tu comfortable ho.”

“I’m comfortable with you.” She tells him. “Always.”

She chooses to ignore the same look on his face again. Because it reminds her of the first time he kissed her. And she can’t quite deal with those thoughts nowadays.

When he walks back into the bathroom, he’s staring right at her. In his hand, along with the sweatpants, is her T-shirt. An ‘S’ T-shirt she had selfishly kept for herself because it helped her sleep. A little piece of him with her every night. His eyes are trained on hers.

“Sidharth...” She breathes out.

“Main jb phele saman la rha tha tab maine nhi dekha.” He says but his voice sounds strained. “Meko nhi pata tha yeh tere pass hai.”

“Iske vaja se main so pati thi.” She murmurs. “Jbhi main pheli baar New York gayi thi.” It still does.

He nods. “Purani ho gayi hai.” He offers her a small smile.

With a shrug, she reaches for it. “Iska charm abhi tak hai.”

•

It’s on the second week that she wakes up to his screaming. Her heart nearly jumps out of her chest and if it wasn’t for her wound, she probably would’ve jumped up herself, but she stands carefully and then walks as quickly as she can to his room. He’s heaving, sobbing when she comes in.

She’s seen this too many times before. There was a time in high school when his nightmares got too much. He’d wake up screaming or she’d have to wake him up, hold him until he calmed down. Those nights, he wouldn’t let go of her, clinging to her, listening to her heartbeat.

Getting closer, heart already aching because he’s hurting. “Sidharth?”

“Shehnaaz!” He sobs. “Main-“

She sits on the edge of his bed. She wishes she could pull him to her, but she’s not exactly in the position to do so. He seems to clock that , even through the tears, and instead, moves so she can climb on the bed and he can lie down on her lap. “Kullu...” She sighs, running her hand through his hair. “Tu thik hai. Sab thik hai.” She murmurs. She pauses for a second, it usually worked to just talk to him, about anything. “Teko yaad hai jbhi hum lada krte the... tbhi kbhi tu meko mana leta tha kbhi main teko, but end me chahe jo be ho hum raat ko kasie ek dusre ke pass aa jaakr hug krkr sote the. It was always my favorite part of life there. Being with you. Fighting the darkest part of the world.” She notices his breathing becoming a little softer. 

"Or uske phele yaad h tu meko kitnaa tang krta thaa Haye main pareshan hi ho jaati thi. But phir jab tu nhi krta tha meko khali pan lagta tha." She smiles remembering memories.

He turns in her lap, so he’s looking up at her. The streetlights the only thing lighting the room. “I had a crush on you tabhi, teri attention lene ke liye krta tha."

“Sidharth, hum relationship me hi tho the.” She tells him with a smile. His breathing is calmer, though he’s still gripping her hand. But he’s talking so that means this episode isn’t so bad.

His voice is hoarse, but he’s looking into her eyes when he tells her. “Phele.. I mean jbhi school me the.”

“Sach me?”

“But tu tbhi Asim ko pyar krti thi or main... teko pata h.” He sniffles.

“Tune meko nhi bataya.” She murmurs, bring his hand to her lips. “Or main Asim se kbhi pyaar nhi kiya khali uspr crush tha teko pata h na?”

“It’s okay.” He whispers. “I still got you”

She frowns. “You still have me.” She says quietly.

“Stay with me?” He asks her. His heart is wide open, she can see it, feel it like she has many times before. He’s vulnerable, holding onto her like he needs her and she’d never deny him. Ever.

“Always.” She whispers.

The next morning, he’s awake before she is. He’s typing away in the kitchen, laptop in front him, a coffee cup in hand. He looks beautiful, even if there are dark circles around his eyes. He looks beautiful. Messy hair, white T-shirt, eyes a little brighter in the sunshine.

“Morning.” She calls his attention out.

Looking up, he smiles. “Hi. Teko rest krna chahiye.”

“Rest kr kr ke thak gayi hun.” She groans.

“I know... but tere stiches nhi open hone chahiye.”

“Mere chalne se open nhi honge or makn” With a shrug, she makes a walk towards the kitchen. "Acha chal chai pila dena."

He laughs softly, coming up beside her to get her the mug. “Jo hukum Shehnaaz.” He kisses her head before returning back to his spot in front of the computer.

Leaning against the counter, she watches him. He’s laser focused on whatever he’s typing. She wants to talk to him about last night. Wants to know if he’s still having nightmares, if they haven’t gone away. She hated every moment of having to watch him go through something like that again. It broke her heart. Sidharth didn’t deserve it for one moment. All that had happened to him, to them, someone like him shouldn’t go through that.

“Teko kuch bolna hai toh bol abhi.” He tells her, still typing. And she sighs softly, moving to sit beside him.

“Teko abhi be nightmares hai.” She murmurs quietly.

His hands stop typing and he turns to look at her. “Nhi toh abhi thode time phele hi aae.”

“Kasie aa gaye?” The minute she questions it, she knows exactly what did. It was her. She should’ve known the moment it happened. Of course this would trigger memories. Of course her, unconscious in a hospital bed would make him go back in time to when everything was life or death. “Oh. I’m sorry.”