How too love again?

Chapter 4

Ek baat batao comment krne me itna time nhi lagta jitna likhne me lagta hai... Main apna time de rhi aap be apna 1 min meko do acha comment krkr😏

“Kya tum injured thi kal raat ko yaa kuch? Or main apni drunk bestfriend kya khayal rkhne kyu nhi jaa skta jb usko meri zarurat hai? When she was throwing up in my bathroom?”

“I mean ki har time jbhi be Shehnaaz call yaa text aata hai yaa kbhi be voh same room me hoti hai tu humesha uske pass chala jaata hai!!” Arti argues, Sidharth is sure he’s broken a few bottles from the strength he’s putting into throwing them in.

“Humne iske baare me baat ki hai!”

“Haa or tu bolta kuch or hai or karta kuch or hai!”

“Dheere baat kr Arti!” Sidharth snaps, his mind retreating to Shehnaaz asleep in the guest bedroom.

Arti laughs, poison in the sound. “Wow hum yaha important baat kr rhe hai or tu bol rha hai ki main apni awaz kamm krun because Shehnaaz so rhi hai!!!!!”

Sidharth drops the bag, turns to face her. “Haan fine krte hai tumari important baat?” He challenges. “Hum ek dusre ko kitne time se jaante hai? 3-4 months kam se kam?”

“Yes, Sid. Three months.”

“Main Shehnaaz ko apni puri zindagi bhar se janta hu!! Or main uske sath rhe be skta hu. Main or kissi ke sath be live in nhi kr skta. Na tumare sath na kissi or ke sath, it’s fucking impossible! So, yeah, there you go, it’s Shehnaaz! Bhot bada fark hai relationship dusro ke sath or mera Shehnaaz ke sath!” He lays it all out and Arti seems hurt but he can’t bring himself to care. “Or main koe commitment ke liye nhi kuch be kr rha or yeh tumko baat start se pata hai.”

Arti pauses and sighs, looking at anywhere but his eyes. Sidharth likes her, he has fun with her but he knows he will never commit to her. He doesn’t see a future with her and that will come to its head eventually.

“Good morning.” Shehnaaz walks into the kitchen, seemingly noticing the tension, as she carefully steps inside.

“Morning.” Arti responds sharply. “Chai gas pr rkhi hai or main jaa rhi hu.” Her words are pointed at him. She doesn’t waste any time, getting out of the kitchen and into hall to gather her things and walk out the door. Sidharth makes no effort to stop her. Shehnaaz stares bewildered.

“Yeh kya tha?” Shehnaaz questions eyeing him.

“Kuch nhi tabiyat kaisi hai teri?” She doesn’t look at all convinced of the fact.

“Asa lag nhi rha tha kuch be nhi hai.” She frowns. “Tabyat toh theek hai meri khali headache hai. Acha ek baat bata maine kl raat ko apni besti toh nhi krwae?”

His heart drops. Should he tell her about what happened? Maybe it would be better if she didn’t know. He didn’t want to see that heartbroken look on her face, he hated it, it made him feel so hallow inside whenever she looked at him like that. Perhaps he could keep this one secret until he figures it how himself.

“No.” He blurts out. “Tum thik thi.”

Shehnaaz seems too hungover to notice his hesitation and he’s relieved for a moment. But the thoughts that swirl in his mind leave his throat tight, gripping his heart. She doesn’t remember what she told him. Either that or she’s really good at hiding it. But he’s guessing that from how out of it she had been last night, the first option seems more likely.

" Meko kl work pr be jaana hai yrr!! Meko sahi hone me ek hafta chahiye.” Shehnaaz groans, as she putters around his kitchen in search of a mug. “Tere ghr pr dhang ke mug nhi hai.. apna new year resolution bana le ki ache bartan lene hai.”

“Chal be ghadi paka mat.”

She grins, pouring chai into the mug. “Happy new year, Sidharth.” She tells him.

“Yeah toh main bhul hi gaya tha.” He chuckles. “So, new year, new me?”

“Nhi nhi mera new me saalo phele aa gaya tha.” She jokes but he receives it as something else, the underlying truth beneath the joke. He knew it was true, he knew that her self acceptance was a long way off, even if he had forgiven her. But she’s hungover and he’s still angry and tired of Arti, so he doesn’t say anything. “Teri book top 10 me aa gayi hai.” She mentions, beaming with pride even in her hungover state. 

He nods, laughing, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Main khud shock me hun.”

“Main nhi.” She smiles. "Tu deserve krta hai. Yeh or isse bhot zada.” And it’s always there, her belief in him, never unwavering. He knew that, even when all the shitshow of their past went on, she beloved in him, in his voice, in his passion. And now here he was, with a book published and the sales skyrocketing.

“Credit teko jata hai... Tune meko bhot support kiya likhne ke liye.. or uske vaja se hi main yaha hun.” He explains.

“No tu mere bina be likh leta. Or agar teko contribute Krna hi hai meko toh tune tbhi likhi when I fucked up.”

He shakes his head. “Tu kuch zada hi fucked up fucked up bolne lagi hai be.” He doesn’t want to talk about her guilt anymore, maybe he’s allowed that one small pleasure. Maybe he can help her by not talking about it.

She hums. “Shayad yehi hai real Shehnaaz Gill.”

“Suits you.”

“ I'm flattered tu yeh sochta hai.” She snorts. “Mummy ne chittar lagane hai.”

He shrugs. “Meko lagta hai voh teko khali khush dekhna chahti hai.”

His statement takes the amusement away from her face and he notices how it shifts. He guesses a lot of people from their past life, with enough distance from the traumatic events that plagued their lives, just wanted others to be happy. But Shehnaaz’s mom, their family really, after all the years that Shehnaaz tortured herself by staying away, truthfully didn’t care about her past mistakes. How in comparison to the real importance of people, it paled. She did betray him, but she’d been traumatized and frightened. It’s Shehnaaz that doesn’t understand that fact.