Poison Ivy || Draco Malfoy

30 - Awkward Hugs

The days rolled by and Draco and I continued to spend more time together, drawing side by side.

It was soon clear that he didn't need me to teach him anything; that he just wanted to keep me company. And I couldn't help but marvel at his artistic talent, watching him almost hypnotically as he created life onto blank parchment.

We would often sit in a companionable silence, taking it in turns to fetch refreshments. Occasionally we would put the easels aside and just sit and watch the world go by together, sometimes chatting, but always keeping the topics light and easy.

He never asked me about Percy or pushed me on the subject of what he had seen in my mind again. And for that I was grateful to him.

But then, one day, as we were drawing the view out of my studio window, I decided to share with him something that had been playing on mind.

"Do you ever think about returning to Hogwarts?"

He looked up at me in surprise at this out of the blue question. We never talked about Hogwarts; never talked about the horror of the war we had to endure as kids.

"Why do you ask that?" he said slowly, putting down his pencil and giving me all his attention.

"It's just something I often think about," I shrugged, "that last day still haunts my dreams most nights and I wonder if it would somehow help heal upon seeing the castle again in its post battle state."

"I didn't know you had nightmares," Draco murmured, his face full of genuine empathy. "I'm sorry."

"Are you telling me that you don't?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "I was under the impression that the majority of us did."

"When I was in Azkaban," Draco said, his eyes glazing over; seeming to stare a million miles away, "I was reliving the hell of war every second I was in there. There was no escape. I can't believe I didn't go mad. I wanted to fucking kill myself; and I would have done if someone handed me a knife - I would have slit my throat without hesitation rather than endure the memories a second longer."

My heart twisted for him, and I couldn't help but reach forward, taking his hand in mine, entwining my fingers with his and pressing my palm flat against his own so that I could feel the soft warmth of his skin.

"I never thought you deserved to be in there in the first place," I whispered, feeling my eyes swimming with tears as I looked up at his agonised face, wishing I could take the horror of those years away from him.

"When I got out," he continued, his eyes lingering on our joined hands, "I thought it would stop. But it didn't. So I started drinking to numb the memories. And when that still wasn't enough I started shagging. I used women all the time - I didn't care who. I just wanted sex and alcohol to take everything away."

I stiffened, my stomach twisting unpleasantly at this admission. I slowly slipped my hand out of his, suddenly feeling embarrassed by the intimacy.

Draco's grey eyes appeared to study me curiously, searching my face as I tried to look anywhere but at him.

"I hate sex," I suddenly found myself blurting out, feeling my cheeks flame furiously at my unexpected boldness, "I'd be happy never to do it ever again."

"Don't say that, Ivy," Draco murmured huskily, taking my hand back in his and gently caressing his thumb over my knuckles. "Sex doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know. It can be beautiful... fun even. And I'm so sorry you haven't had a chance to experience that yet. You deserve to be loved properly, Ivy."

I dared myself to look up at him then, and when our eyes connected, I felt a sudden frisson in the air causing my pulse to quicken and my breath to hitch.