Dear Estella,

31. what are we?

"Question. What's the best part about being in a relationship?" I asked Brooke as we ate the Chinese food we ordered from Panda Express.

She and Jackson had only started dating a few months prior, but they had known each other a lot longer than that. I was curious about him and how they came to be a couple— she kept the relationship to herself for a majority of those few months, which I completely understood.

"I guess it's knowing the other person almost better than you know yourself."

Fifteen-year-old me was curious about love in general. I had never felt it, and so many questions filled my mind at the idea of loving another person to the point where they almost become a part of you.

"You know everything about Jackson?"

"Not everything," she replied. "I know a lot about him, though. Like— I know he hates popcorn for some reason. It makes his throat dry. And I know that when he's nervous, he starts to bite his bottom lip."

I smiled, noting the way she seemed to get lost in thinking about him. I was sure she didn't even realize the small smile creeping onto her face as she talked about her boyfriend.

"What else?" I asked her out of curiosity.

She twirled a few chow mein noodles around her fork before replying to my question. "The small things. Having someone to talk to about life with— having someone to be around when you're feeling lonely. Knowing you can rely on them. Knowing they care about you. Things like that."

I nodded along. "Sounds like you two have something really great."

"Yeah, we do." She smiled. "So when you find someone you're interested in, make sure they treat you right. Make sure they show you that they care and that they're willing to listen to you. Because you don't deserve anything less than that, okay?"

"You look like you're half asleep," Devin says to me. We all sit on the concrete steps in front of the school. "I mean— I don't blame you. Monday mornings suck ass."

"I think I am half asleep," I reply with a weak laugh, removing my glasses to clean the lenses. "I woke up like ten minutes before Asher picked me up."

"It's true." Asher nods his head. "I saw her morning hair."

"But your hair looks the same as it does every day," Aaron comments as he points to my pony tail. "It's tied up."

"Yeah, but, as you can see," Asher begins, walking over so he's crouched behind me. He runs a single finger through my hair to demonstrate. "Not brushed. Not at all."

I furrow my eyebrows, pulling my head away from his reach. "Okay. Thanks for letting everyone know that I didn't brush my hair today, Asher."

"No problem, Estella." He shrugs.

I shake my head, opening up my protein bar. I wave it around offering it to any of the three. They all decline my offer.

"What's up with you and protein bars? Do you genuinely like them or..."

"Yeah," I reply to Devin's question. "You guys are quick to judge— but they're not bad at all. And they're good for you."

"They're gross," Aaron says with a curled lip. "I have no idea how you eat one every single day."

I smile at him. "And I have no idea how out of all flavors of ice cream, you only choose to eat vanilla. The plainest of them all."