Dear Estella,

45. estella's pick

"This is our last time doing this."

I nod in agreement, tossing my slip of paper back into the empty plastic cap of Devin's yogurt parfait. Everyone else does the same. Devin gives the cap a little shake before placing it back in the center of the round table.

Each of us grab a slip from our makeshift bowl. I open it up, reading the name. In sloppily-written letters, Asher's name is displayed across the white strip of paper.

"I got myself," Aaron says as he drops his slip of paper back into the parfait lid.

Everyone at the table groans as they fold their slips of papers, ready to place them back into the lid.

"Classic Aaron." Asher shakes his head, dropping his paper into the cap. "Always been such a narcissist."

Devin laughs. "I know you're not talking about being narcissistic."

We each grab a slip of paper for what feels like the hundredth time. Every time we've tried to finish the Secret Santa, either someone gets themselves or hints to who they got. Then Devin gets annoyed and makes us re-do it.

My pick reads: Josh

Everyone else reads their slips of paper. We all look around, waiting for someone else to announce they've picked themselves. I wait to see if Asher smiles down at his or if he attempts a subtle glance at the person he got. But no, he doesn't. No one does anything. This is our final pick.

And I got Josh.

"You're right, Dev," Asher says, putting his little paper in his pocket. "I am a narcissist. But so are you. Everyone is at some level, narcissistic."

What am I going to get him? What does he like? I've hardly talked to him since I met him. And I sure don't know him well enough to find a gift he'd really like.

I begin to wonder who holds the slip of paper with my name. My only hope is that it isn't Josh, who knows me the least of everyone else. He would probably be real uncomfortable buying a gift for a girl he's only talked to a few times.

"Don't think I forgot about that one time in sixth grade when you got your pink iPhone and your wallpaper was you in a shirt that had an avocado with a weird mustache on it." Asher laughs. "Hell no. Bullied you into changing that shit real quick."

I smile as they bicker about which had the most cringeworthy middle school phases. Based off of their accusations, I would say it was probably Devin.

"Aaron dressed like a highlighter for a year," she accuses. "And Asher tricked everyone into thinking his family owned Miller Lite freshman year."

Asher smiles. "Oh yeah. That was fun. They all thought I could get them free beer. So stupid."

"Remember when Devin liked that one guy... Dave." Aaron laughs. "He was like three feet tall."

"Wait, who?" Josh asks curiously. "Who the hell's Dave?"

"Little Davey. He was a weird kid." Asher shrugs.

"Shut up." Devin scowls. "Let's not pretend you didn't have a fat crush on Kendra Clarkson for the first two years of middle school, Asher."

"Oh, her breath was foul," Aaron adds.

Asher smiles, pushing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, fuck you guys."

"He can serve it, but can't take it," Josh says, looking at Asher.

"At least I can do one." Asher shrugs.

I look over to him with a teasing smile. He side-eyes me, reaching over to playfully slap my face, turning my head forward again. I fiddle with slip of paper between my fingers as I feel my face heat up.