BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, May 12 - Yoongi (A Drink With Jungkook and His Confession)

[Place: Workroom]

When I opened the door to my workroom, I saw Jungkook squatting down in one corner. When he heard the door being opened, he sprang up. He asked me if I was okay and took hesitant steps backward.

I put my bag down and looked around. It was my first time coming back to the place after being discharged from the hospital. The music scores and cups were in their places. Maybe Jungkook had been here every day.

I realized it was my first time seeing him since that day. He had saved my life. I should thank him and also say I was sorry.

Instead of those words, I took out a soju bottle and gave it to him. Jungkook took it and looked at me as if to ask what he should be doing with it.

"Aren't you supposed to not drink?" He pointed to my left arm with the dressing on.

"It can't kill me. It would be nice if it could."

Jungkook alternated between looking at me and at the soju bottle, and then said something unexpected. "You're right. It would be nicer if it could kill people." With that, Jungkook started guzzling from the bottle.

I thought to myself, "Do you want to die, too?" Everyone must have their reason for wanting to be dead. And for wanting to be alive. Why did Jungkook want to die? And what did he live for?

When I first met him, he was in middle school. He looked browbeaten, a loner. Instead of getting along with kids his age, he got swept away with us. Everyone had their reason. I thought it was best not to pry into his life.

I grabbed the soju bottle and gulped it down, but Jungkook took it away from me.

Time passed. We uncorked a new bottle and another.

"Why did you live that way?" I asked as if it were the booze speaking.

"Live that way? What's wrong with the way I live?" Jungkook asked, his words sounding slurred. He slouched and looked limp in the face.

"Never mind. Drink."

After taking another sip from the bottle, Jungkook asked, "Do you know that I'm still under age? I'm a high schooler. Who encourages a high schooler to drink?" With that, he lay flat down on the floor. "You think I follow you around because I like you? I'm not worried at all about you. What is there to worry about you? I'm the one who should be worried. But do you know why I come to see you?" He mumbled on about things which were all incomprehensible. "It's because I like your music. When I listen to you playing the piano, I get all teared up. Me, I get all teary. I feel like dying about dozen times a day. But when I listen to your music, I want to live. That's why. That's why, I said. What I'm saying is, your music is like what's in my heart." Jungkook kept talking, but he started to pipe down and finally asleep.

I sat against the wall and took a sip from the soju bottle and looked up at the piano.