My Ex's Boyfriend [BxB]

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"I love you, Connor. Isn't that enough?"

He loves me?

It kept on echoing inside my head, the word love. Did he just say it to me? Did he mean what he really said? Why did he say it?

I wasn't the only one loving him.

because apparently, I love him, too.

"No."

Why? Why did I say no? Why am I denying what I really feel?

His eyes were filled with pain. He looked at me. Hopes in his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were shining at the edge of his eyes. He gulped so hard and said, "Why?"

I don't know, Jake. I don't know. I just don't know.

He repeated, "Why?"

"No, Jake. Just..no." I said again, voice trembling as I slowly backing off.

"Please, Connor, why are you saying no?"

I shook my head, "I don't know.."

He took a step towards me and called, "Connor.."

"No..," I trembled as I backed off.

"I mean it, Connor. I really do lov—"

Caught off guard, Raphael pulled me by my collar before I could hear Jake finishing his sentence, his face was full of anger as he screamed at me, "You have no fucking idea of what you're doing the whole time don't you?! You're hurting my fucking bestfriend! You're so damn selfish Connor! You just think about yourself and you're a coward for all this!"

Am I a coward?

I am.

He punched me in the face and screamed the truth in my face.

"–ou're just scared."

The truth are always painful while the lies are just..covers for the pain. I've always knew that I was living in lies. I know that. And I've always knew.

And the truth always scares me off.

Where I'm scared of losing someone, again, if I show my real feelings.

I was just a coward. Leading myself towards the lies instead of learning the truth.

Raphael was pulled off of me by someone and I just lie there on the ground, looking at the sky as it turns grey. I felt the tears of mine streaming down my cheeks.

pain.

"I'm sorry," I voiced, knowing it was not loud for anyone to hear.

"I'm sorry.." I said again, repeating over and over.

Still. It was unheard.

Why though? Why is it not loud enough?

"Connor!" Jake shouted and I caught the glimpse of him trying to reach for me before darkness overload all my visions, with numbness controlling over me.

-

"He needs some time, Raphael."

"What do you mean he needs time? What was he doing for the past three years? Well I'm fucking sure he didn't think about you."

"Raph, you don't know him."

"Of course not! but he needs to know your feelings too, Jake."