This Is Me Warts And All

A Lie

January 2nd 2021

Today was the first day of the trial as I got dressed I prayed that everything went my way. Alex, mum, Teddy and some of the other Peterson's were at the courthouse with me. While watching Steve in the dock confirming his details I didn't flinch or feel the need to throw up. I was still going to counselling and it was clearly doing me good.

As the charges were read out I cried I couldn't help it, Steve looked around the courthouse and saw me and I immediately stop crying. I was not going to show him fear instead I glared at him and he smiled smugly at me.

When it was over I went into work that was a mistake I kept getting emotional since the cases I was dealing with were quite bad. A part of me wanted to ask my manager if I could go home. Then I thought this is day one get your shit together Cassie.  Are you're going to fall apart every day of the trial.

My manager ask how it went and if I'm okay I told him fine on both counts. When work was over I went and pick Becca up from her new private school then we went to the pub and had our dinner. Alex didn't think I should have gone to work but he supports me in what I choose to do.

January 25 2021

Alex and I have our surrogate we decided we wanted to try this route first her name is Katie Sway. She's  American and she will get pregnant in the states. Alex and I already have our sperm and egg ready I'm excited to be a mother although right now the trial is still going on.

I have something positive to look forward to and there is no chance the stress of the trial will make me lose a baby. The contract with Katie is iron clad Alex and I are flying out to America this weekend to sign some necessary paperwork. Jamie has helped us every step of the way and since we have the best solicitors in the country. I can't see a problem with the surrogacy.

Friday

Because of me needing to leave and start work at different times there have been crumblings of preferential treatment from some of my colleagues. I do my work I go in early on days I have to take the afternoon off and I stay late into the evening when I need to take the morning off.

Mum has been amazing she has been taking care of Becca when I'm working late. We're getting a nanny for Becca who will also be the baby's nanny.

Thursday

Today I gave evidence against Steve I made sure my voice was strong and I showed no fear on my face when he looked at me. I'm glad Becca wasn't there to hear it all in minute details.

As I stood on the stand I thought everything would come down to his word against mine. So I did the only thing I could I told the truth and hoped the jury believed it. After I gave evidence I broke down outside the courthouse. I wonder what's it called when a movie or book says the title of the movie or book.

I went home with mum and Alex and took a bath so I could have some alone time. I thought about asking my uncle Fred for some work at the garage. Then diary I made a decision to go back to walking at that bridge again. I'm still doing my C2k app when I can.

Friday

I forget that social workers are sometimes called to testify in cases of child neglect and abuse. Someone from the office saw me at court and follow me in and heard what I said on the stand. Now it's all over the office about me being abuse I hear people talking about me in low voices.

They stop when they see me some are being passive aggressive towards me.

One of my colleagues name Ann gave me a hug and told me she's there if I ever need to talk. Others where pissed that I was basically getting flexi- time. Some people just avoided eye contact with me.