This Is Me Warts And All

Evidence

26/7/21

What a different a year makes my diary entry for this date last year was me being glad my attempted suicide didn't work. Look what I would have missed out on if it did I've my sister in my life again and I'm a mother.

My relationship with my own mother is rock solid and the Peterson instead of being people. I'm related to showed me just how much they'll fight for me and I've the strongest support system I have ever had in my life.

And my niece and nephews are a joy plus Alex's siblings are amazing. I have a full happy life and I'm enjoying every bit of it.

Alex took today off work and mum is looking after Becca. Alex booked one of those driving experiences you can do. I looked at the racing car in front of me and hug Alex, "This is so amazing I shouted". I put on my helmet and get in the car the feeling of going fast on the race track was exhilarating. I watch Alex have his turn. As I watched him I realised this was just what I needed today. When I look back on this date next year it will be filled with happy memories.

Alex took me for a curry and beer afterwards. While we were at the restaurant someone started to choke. Alex went over and explained he was a doctor and helped the guy. He thanked Alex for his help and left, it was then I realised he was there by himself. I had never seen someone by themself in a curry house before.

"Thank was amazing", I say to Alex as he sits back down at our table.

When we finished our meal I went to pay to be told the bill was already taken care of. We went and saw the next Spider-Man film after the curry then we went for a walk.

"I'm so glad you're still here Cassie".

I stop in my tracks at Alex's words, "Me too", I reply. "Me too. He hugs me and we rest our foreheads together and continue our walk holding hands.

"Thank you for being there for me Alex there were times before the trial and during the trial. I knew I leaned on you hard but through it all you supported me. Knowing I was starting a family with you and going through the surrogacy helped. It took away some of the pain and anger I was feeling. Instead of being bitter about everything I was going through I had something positive to focus on. When I was on the stand and was being questioned. I knew I wasn't alone in my journey my family was there for me. But you were who I held on to the most. I know relationships have broken up over past abuse before.  I KNEW I was in a safe place and relationship with you".

"I would have never left you I did my best to respect your boundaries back then because I knew it was hard for you. I love you and want forever with you and hopefully one day another child will come and bless our home".

"Thank you for loving me".

"You made it easy."

"You know I really wanted to die that day I wasn't hoping someone would find me in time".

"Cassie we don't have to talk.."

I cut him off, "I need to say this and we will never bring the incident up again".

"Ok", he replied as I find a place for us to sit in the park.

"When I saw Steve again for the first time and started throwing up whenever I saw him. I got scared that he had that effect on me and of all the memories which returned. I started walking to the bridge by our house I had thought of throwing myself off it. That's where I would walk to in the mornings back then the bridge. While thinking is today the day I find the courage to do it.

When Katie outed our relationship and mum was telling me she was disappointed in me. I took that to mean she hated me you've got to remember she chose Steve over me. He would wink at me and say some disgusting thinks to me out of earshot. Do you know what's it like to have  your abuser imply you liked the abuse".

"I'm so sorry he said that to you. I want to rip him apart with my bare hands", says Alex.

"He may have won in the short term and I hated myself but I'm the one thriving right now. I started wondering if I was damaged goods and he was right to tell me that. That part of me that believed it let me to the bridge many times. In the end I got justice and his ass is in prison probably being used as a fucktoy by some dude name Bob.

He came here knowing what he did and tried to antagonise me into silence. He thought I would be scared of him and I was that same eight year old kid. I showed him the strength and fortitude that I possess. That the scared eight year old was gone forever and in it's place was a women not to be messed with".

"I'm proud of you and you went into social care to help others that's being  hurt like you were as a kid", I nod at Alex.

He stands up and helps me to my feet, "The day isn't over yet Cassie what else do you want to do today?"

I think for a minute, "Let's go bowling I feel like hitting something".

He smiles at me, "Bowling it is then" .

We look online and found a bowling place in town and went there and played couple games. It was then I realised I was in a way celebrating a day that was filled with negatives.

"Let's call Mum and ask her to come with Becca she would love this".

Alex calls mum and tell her we want her to come join us. Thirty minutes later she and Becca arrived and we played couple games. I listen to the laughter and teasing going on between mum. Becca and Alex and knew I made the right decision asking them to come by.

We argued about where to eat, Becca wanted KFC, mum wanted pizza and Alex wanted a steak. As for me diary I didn't care where we ate. In the end we compromised and went to one of those buffet places. That had food from around the world the food was delicious. It was a wonderful end to the day.

27/7/21

While Alex was at work I took Becca and Miles to a museum. Alex and I book a week in Dubai as a surprise for Becca.

It seems a lot of people had the same idea to come here with their kids on a Saturday. We stayed till Miles started fussing. We went and sat in the museum café and ate lunch. Becca had a chicken salad and chips and I had a mozzarella and ham panini. Lucy came with us as well as Drew and James.

As I'm eating my sandwich I see the guy from the curry house who Alex saved from choking he was staring at us. I smiled at him but he didn't return it James notices the frown on my face and looks at the guy I was looking at.

Drew gets his phone out and started taking selfies of himself and I see the guy leave the cafe quickly. When he left Drew look at me and Alex and it was his we need to talk look. We didn't want to spook Becca so didn't say anything as James follow the guy outside.

"Do you want a pastry Becca my treat?"

"Yes please", she get up and follows Lucy.

Drew shows Alex and I his phone he wasn't talking a selfie. He took a picture of the guy from the curry house. Drew brings up the picture of the sketch that Paul describe of the guy who made him an offer and apart from the hair colour. You could plainly see it was the same person.

This guy has been following us without us knowing", I say to Drew.

"We have something solid to give the police finally. All we need now is a name and we can prove he followed us to the curry house. There will be witness who remembered Alex saving him". 

Drew was right it felt good to know the nightmare will be over soon. I was glad it was the school holidays this meant we could keep an eye on Becca.