Life of an Indian Teenage Girl

Comparison isn't motivation

Like I said in the beginning of the book, I have a best friend called Myra. She has been with me forever and we always thought we would be best friends till the day we died.

We used to do everything together. We used to play together, talk together, go for classes together, almost everything we could do together we did it together.

But there was this small dark time when I actually slightly hated her. Why? Well I had this diary at that time (I no longer write diaries) and I wrote about how I was feeling in that diary. So I thought that instead of telling you each and every thing that happened, I'd rather just show you what my 12 year old self had written.

There I was again, listening to her endless tennis stories.

From 2nd grade to 8th grade we are stuck with the same class and in 9th grade our classmates would get mixed up. So that meant that I had to talk to Myra still 9th grade (hoping we would be in different classes).

Still fifth grade we actually loved hanging out together.....But after fifth grade it didn't seem the same.

She got more and more absorbed in tennis......I started to talk to more fun girls and she went and talked to the 'I'm too cool for that' kids. But we still talked to each other and whenever anyone asked us who are best friend was we would say each other's names.

Then we reached seventh grade and that's when it got worse. Every time our dad's met they would tell me to be more athletic and do sports. By the way, I hate sports.

So I guess you can see why our friendship didn't work out. The comparison, I hated it.

Soon I stopped liking her coming over and me going to her house.

In class, she used to always talk about tennis, not only to me, but to everyone in class.........

Whenever Myra was brought up in conversation my dad used to always say, "See she's working hard and following her dreams" to which I used to reply with, "Ya, but I get better grades than her" and then he would reply back with, "For her, grades wouldn't affect life.".....

So I guess you can say my dad is one of the reasons why we are not friends anymore.

7th grade passed by and now eight grade. I don't know who my best friend is anymore. I have no best friends. Everyone in my class are my best friends except for Myra and her group.

The comparisons didn't stop. Our dad's thought they were motivating me and sometimes it's just a joke, I would smile but deep down I was hurting really badly.

I was really good at art. My dad used to praise me in front of the guests that came to our house and saw my art work and then again if Myra was brought up in conversation, I was a good for nothing idiot.

I have made a few good friends by now. These were the children Myra and her group didn't like, you know, the good kids.

But I never told anyone my problems. Not the friends I had from dance programs. Not the friends in class. I keep it deep within me. (I'm still paying for bottling up my emotions back then.)

Back when I was in 5th grade, I used to be a very bubbly character. Now I have my friends ask me why I am so serious. I shrug. But the truth is my heart is too sad. Nobody knows anything about me.

I have never been through bullying but I guess the constant comparison makes up for it. Myra is only one of the many many people I have been compared to.

I am sorry if I have yelled at any of you or lost my temper in front of you. I guess now you know why.

If I had let you read this then I hope you understand me. (I guess my thirteen year old self knew I was gonna show this to people 🤷🏽‍♀️. I swear I'm not adding anything in other than these comments.)

If you haven't seen my dark side yet, it's probably because I haven't talked to you much or I'm afraid of losing one more friend.......if you think this is a normal fiction story by a normal 13 year old girl then keep this where you found it and go live your happy life (I still remember crying, while I was write this.)

I just want the 13 year old reading this to understand that if you are going through this too then you are not alone.....I guess Bebe Rexa's "I'm a mess" suits me most right now. I love you all, just happy to get this off my chest.

To Gopika, my current best friend who unknowingly helped me forget everything for a while, I mean until I planned to write this.

From: Sansita, future book editor from Penguin publishers/ author.

I had big dreams, don't judge me. I am going to work on the author part just not sure if I can be a book editor.

Anyway, so ya I was thirteen when I had written that in my diary. I had slightly hated Myra for a while for no fault of her own.

Now for the parents on Wattpad, comparison isn't the same as motivation. You don't have to give examples of other kids when teaching your child something.

One last thing, don't bottle up your emotions. Feel free to burst into tears or get angry if you need to. Bottling things up just makes things a lot worse. I should know because my life is basically a mess because I never said anything back then.