Withering petals of my hurting heart

A three-phase poem: Phase 1

Hey, you there?

Yes you, do you have some time

I hope you could spare a few

I do not want to stall you

But I am bursting out with pressure

And I hope you don't mind listening to my blues

I would totally understand if you don't

Everyone's got their own sins to atone

Why would you be interested in mine

When you can leave and do things that are not benign

So, if you are still here

Then I'll beat my chest and ready my hair

Hope you are confident and clear

Of getting on a bus which leads you nowhere

So, it all started when I was a little girl

With chubby cheeks and a happy demeanor

Hands kept pulling my blushing apples

Calling me cute and adorable

I felt happy and loved

Until it, all began to feel like a curse

I was ostracized by my peers

Being young didn't make it any easier to bear

The pain of abandonment made it harder to see clear

The sound of my own cries permeating my ears

So early on I began to see a world

Filled with shit and covered by dirt

But the irony was even more pitiable

Where I always craved to be a part of this carnival

I kept trying to be accepted

Instead, I was bullied and rejected

Used senselessly but I remained unaffected

Breathing through my pain

Man, I was so dejected

Someone talked to me nice

I tried to break the ice

The fog of abandonment cleared from my eyes

And they began to sparkle, shiny and bright

I extended a hand for friendship

Desperate for any kind of relation

They accepted even though in reluctance

But I didn't care, I was finally coming out of my desolation

I began to dream of having a friend

I put them on a high pedestal

Forgetting that it was all but a slow descend

Into a dark and lonely abysmal

The feelings were not mutual

But I wasn't ready to give up

I tried my best to appear

Like someone, they might love

No matter how hard I tried

I was never enough

But in my mind, they still were

A friend whom I dearly loved