Withering petals of my hurting heart

Inside my mind

Inside my mind it's very chaotic

Not the type that you can remove

But the type you learn to live with

I would not say I have mastered the art of existing

Amidst this bedlam of trifling noises

But I am trying and today

I would like to show you a glimpse

I wake up, ready to slay

All the insecurities that'll come in my way

I am a proud warrior

And I wouldn't back away today

I began to walk towards my destination

Humming a happy tune of admiration

What a wonderful day it is

With sunshine dancing on my face

But too much sunshine is not good

It'll burn me, then I'll look like a fool

Wait let me cover myself

I do not want to be judged like a book

I walk faster, increasing my stride

What a horrible day it is

I am already sweating

Feeling anxious inside

"Hey girl, how are you?"

I smile, as I near my friend

Their joyful smile a reprieve from my despair "I am good, what about you?"

I say with my voice loud and clear

They are such a good friend of mine

Even though I fail to shine

As bright as them most of the times

I see them greet someone else

With the same greeting

And I feel defeated

How dare they treat me like that

I do not take well to being cheated

What did I do to deserve this treatment?

It must be the way I am looking

That makes them embarrassed

To be associated with my petty self

"Are you coming with us today?"

Oh, they are asking me to hang out

But I do not like to go out

Why are they always making plans for us?

I need to have a say too "No I am busy today"

"Okay cool, maybe next time then."

God, they hate me now

Always canceling their plans of going out

Why am I so dumb?

What's the worst that could happen if I would've gone?

Man, I am so selfish

Why can't I ever figure myself out?

I keep my head up

So that I do not show the hurt

That is spreading inside of me because of their words

I hear a ping

It's a message from my best friend "Heya!!"

Should I reply now or wait for a second

Am I being to desperate or is it just okay?

But if I reply late, they'll think that

I do not have time for them

So, I reply with a hasty "Hey!"

I release a breath

That was quick

A minute passes

And I do not hear another ping

Ha! Looks like I am the only one caring

Maybe I came too desperate

That's why they ran away

Thinking I would take a lot of their time

If they talked to me this instant

"Are you free?"

Finally, it came, after another five minutes

Are they okay?

Why do I feel like they need me?

But if I reply again in an instant

It might be funny

But I do not care they are more important than me

"Yeah."

Did that sound too unemotional?

It did.

Now they'll think I am so rude

Brushing them off like that.

I wait for their reply

Minutes passing

I feel more and more dejected

Looks like they got busy

Maybe I am the only one free

Why does it always have to be me?

I'll leave them if they don't need me

I don't need them anyway

I am better off myself.