Withering petals of my hurting heart

A three-phase poem: Phase 3

So, I abandoned the only one

Who loved me for who I am?

And now I am all alone

Like a lonely island

I am writhing with guilt

I despise who I am

And what I did

No one deserves the pain

That I inflicted

And now I have become addicted

To this notion

Leave before you get broken

Anyways what happened next

Was even more pitiful

As you will now see

How I truly was nothing but a monster

I was all alone

And I missed home

The one I found in her love

The one I kicked to dust

So, I began looking for a new home

Was desperate for the chaos

Cause the numbness was spreading

Like cancer in my bones

Set my eyesight upon a group

My heart aches for the love

I never had so many friends

It was a fantasy and I came undone

I played a nice act

Gathered sympathy like a cat

And when the opportunity arrived

I jumped and dived

To secure my place in their eyes

It was thrilling

Thinking that now I also had a group

But it was chilling

To know that I was still all alone

Why might you ask?

Cause even though I was included

I never was accepted

They were like a tight bunch

With secrets as old as their age

There were things I didn't know

And things that were meant to be kept hidden

I felt the weight of my mistake

Breathing in my reality was insane

What type of hell I am living in?

And I laughed at my own state

I left a home

Where I was loved and cared

To come to a home

Where I was left bare

I tried

I tried so hard

I gave it my all

I went out my way to please

To impress

To maybe make a place

Inside their hearts

But nothing was ever enough

All I was...All I ever will be

A wounded stray cat

Whom they adopted

Not out of love or care

But out of pity and sympathy

But it wasn't their fault right

It was mine

They did what they thought was right

It was me who brought my own demise

I wanted love

I wanted attention

I wanted time

I ran for things that are variable with time

And now I am empty and bereft

All the things that I chased

Were snatched

Right from my hands

Cause nobody loves

A backstabbing cat.