A Thousand Moments

Special Chapter 5

Astrid Summer Flores

The sun hang from up above as packs of clouds were scattered amongst the sky, we decided to drive home leaving the perfect fantasy I'd wish to relive over and over again, we left memories there, sublime and indelible ones that are not to be forgotten. As we drive home we playfully talked inside the car exploring our new-found relationship.

I know opening the door to this relationship would be death by a thousand cuts having the knowledge that in the near future I would have no other choice but to let her go.

Sooner or later I know we'll arrive back at my home a reality which no matter how much I hate I know I have to face it. A few more minutes had gone by and we were nearing my house already.

A woman was standing near the garage, I could tell she was waiting for me. I suddenly froze, the closer we get, the more anxious I am. I know she's waiting and she's enraged.

"Hey what's wrong?" Alanna asked me as she stopped the car a few meters from our house

"It's my mom, she'd be mad again" I couldn't hide my distress anymore

"She knows I would sometimes go back to the treehouse and she doesn't like that, she hates getting reminded of what happened to my brother, but I hate how she pretends that it's okay to not even remember my brother's death" I continued as my eyes fail to hide the tears welling up inside

"Just once, I want her to stop lying to both us, I want her to stop acting like nothing happened, I want her to console me, to mourn with me, to tell me I'd be fine" I sniffled as I wipe my seemingly bottomless tears

"You can cry don't hold back, and don't hide what you feel from me, it's okay, I'm here, cry all you want until the load seems a little lighter" she uttered pulling me close and hugging me

I know she's here for me but I can't help but hold myself back from leaning on to her. Someday I know she'd go too, God, even the thousand moments she's counting says so. I want to hold on to her yet, I couldn't seem to grasp her, no matter how close she feels like, to me it's as if we're a thousand miles apart. I've put so much space between us pretending it was a safety net for me for when she leaves, and when I'd have to fall back into this deep endless dark void again.

I stepped out of the car and bid my goodbyes to Alanna, I could tell she was worried but I don't wanna lean on her too much. I followed Alanna's car with my eyes as she drove away.

"Where have you been?" Mom asked

"You know where I've been" I replied

"You know what I said, get back here after school, and you also know I don't want you going anywhere near that place again" she uttered as we head back inside

"You know what it brings back and hell I don't ever wanna be reminded of that" she continued as I closed the door behind us

"You can't keep pretending it never happened, you can't keep avoiding it mom" I answered

"I'm not pretending, I just hate having to relive that day" she replied

"If not then why does it seem like you've erased May from your life" I raised my voice, I knew I shouldn't have done that but enough is enough

"I hate it!" My mom yelled

"I hate being reminded that at some point in my life, it was perfect, I hate having to recall that I... we once had a dream-like life because remembering those memories makes today even harder to bear and even more horrible" she cried