Midnight Memories

Chapter 32: This is Not a Dream

Hi you, beautiful souls. Because today is my birthday and I'm officially 25 now (Yup, a 25-year-old Scorpio here), here's a new chapter for you. Please don't forget to vote and comment if you like it.

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Chapter 32: This is Not a Dream

I'm staring at the ceiling as I replay Kai's words inside my head for the hundredth time tonight.

I can't forget the devastating look in his eyes when I rejected him...again. His voice keeps ringing in my ears, as he tells me just how uninvolved I was in our relationship. And it's true, I realize it now. He was all alone through our journey together.

Of course, I love him, I have loved him even without realizing it at first, I have loved him even without knowing his real name. But I've never cared to show it to him with my actions, not just words.

Somehow along the way, I forgot to consider his feelings. I forgot that a relationship is supposed to be a "give and take".

I kept taking and taking and taking from him, but I never really gave anything to him. And what if because of me there's nothing left of him to give anymore?

I'm scared of the thought that because of me, he's felt alone all this time, even when I was right next to him.

This doesn't justify what he did to me. It doesn't cover the fact that he lied to me for so long, but did I have to run away from him again and shut him out like that?

Did I have to turn my back on him without a word? Why couldn't I stay and hear him out? Why didn't I try to save what we had? Why did I run away like Emma?

I guess he's right. I never really overcame my fears. 

I left him, so he couldn't leave me. And in the end, we left each other.

I throw the blanket off of me, getting to my feet in a millisecond. I need to breathe.

I run down the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible, as my slippers hit the floor.

Once I'm outside, I throw myself on the stairs in front of our door and finally take a deep breath. In and out, in and out.

I can feel myself tremble from the cold, but I can't care less.

All I can do is cry as I think about him. He came for me and all I did was break his heart and stamp on it all over again. The least I could do was to hear him out.

Even before we started dating I always pushed Kai away. I laughed at him whenever he tried to tell me about his feelings, I ran away, when he tried to kiss me, walked out on him, when I found out he was my boss, knowing perfectly well that he had just had a fight with his father and that he needed a friend.

I flew to New York when I found out the truth about us and his mother's death, without giving him a chance, without consoling him, and telling him just how much my heart hurt for him. Just how angry I was at the world and God and faith, because Kai's been through so much and he was all alone, no one was there to protect him.

He's always been chasing me and I was always running, even though I kept not seeing it. And you know what? He's right, I never stopped and looked back.

I never really cared how he felt, whenever I turned my back on him, did I? I never listened. I was always selfish with him.

Why couldn't I pay attention to what I was doing to his feelings, and why did it only take the hurt in his eyes tonight, to make me realize this? He's done so much for me, while I did nothing for HIM.