Midnight Memories

Chapter 37: You Don't Have Me Anymore

My heart beating fast in my chest, I check the time on my phone for the sixth time in 5 minutes.

I haven't been this excited or anxious for a while now. What if he doesn't show up? Will he leave me out here alone? Has he changed that much in such a short time?

I'm standing outside our apartment block, at midnight, pacing around nervously.

The second I hear the familiar sound of his footsteps, I almost drop to my knees and thank God right here and now.

He's here.

"Hello, Moonlight," I call for him as he gets closer. He's always used that nickname with me, but today, it's my turn.

And it's the truth, he's my light during these dark times. He keeps me going, and he should know it.

When Kai's close enough for me to reach, I wrap my arms around him, resting my head over his chest, breathing in his signature scent.

The sound of his heartbeat is calming mine, it always does.

However, I don't miss his hesitation before he wraps his arms around me loosely.

It hurts like hell...

"Thank you for coming," I let go of him slowly, jump on my tiptoes and plant a quick kiss on his lips, even though I'm afraid he'll push me away if my lips linger on his longer.

"So what's the big deal?" He asks me, looking around.

"Let's go, I have a surprise for you."
I grab his hand and pull him with me toward Nat's car that I have borrowed today.

The drive to our destination is short, so after a 15-minute drive during which I talk like a broken record and he keeps listening (is he even?), we are there- in front of an old run-down building.

I get out first running to get the bag of supplies I bought for him hours ago. I'm praying I haven't forgotten to get anything, as I pull the bag out from the trunk.

Kai is getting out of the car as I drop the bag in front of the wall I originally chose for Kai to paint.

I unzip it and turn to Kai, smiling.

"What's this?" He asks, walking to me.

Looking down he nudges the bag with his foot and when he sees what's inside he stares back at me, his face blank.

"Why'd you bring me here?" He asks again.

"I want you to paint with me tonight. You haven't been doing it for a while now. So let's do it together." I give him a hopeful smile and run to my car again.

When I come back with two bottles of water I hand one to him as he keeps his eyes on me, silently.

"I want to do this with you. So teach me like you used to."

Kai lets out a short bitter laugh that makes the smile on my face completely freeze.

"Don't you think that there is a reason for that? Maybe I don't want to do anything, maybe I want to be alone. Maybe I don't fucking need your chit chat." The sudden stab in my chest is so strong I find myself looking for air to breathe.

I keep repeating in my head all the reasons that should make me understand his harshness, but they don't help much.

"Why do you keep doing this to me? Do you not see how hard I'm trying to be there for you?" Even though I'm screaming inside my head, my voice comes out low and shaky. I could really hate myself for being so weak right now.

"Because you don't understand." He shouts, throwing the bottle he's been holding against the wall, shattering it to pieces. The sound is so loud I want to crawl under the ground and close my ears. "Because none of you do. He was my best friend, and I found him dead! I couldn't save him."