Midnight Memories

Chapter 38: His Silence is My Answer

I couldn't close my eyes even if I forced myself to. So no, sleep was not an option for me last night. But it doesn't mean I'm not still lying in bed at 7 PM the next day, just looking up at the ceiling, phone turned on in my hand.

How stupid of me to think he would call or knock on my door and tell me it was a cruel joke? I would forgive him, I would forgive him in a heartbeat if he came back to me.

But silly and desperate me, because I know he won't.

I don't even have the energy to move or even drink water. I kind of feel good just lying here in bed and feeling numb. It seems like my limbs are not mine and neither is my brain: it's refreshing. Maybe this is not my life either.

A knock breaks off the chain of my non-existent thoughts, making me stare at the ceiling harder than before.

It's not Kai, I know the way he knocks by heart. So if it's not him I don't really care.

It's probably James wanting some details from yesterday or asking something about "Empress Ki", since he's now into Korean dramas, thanks to me.

"I know you are in there," I hear a voice say from behind the door and it takes me a moment to realize who it belongs to. Natalie.

"So stop being immature and open the door."

I don't make a noise, hoping she'll take the hint and leave, but of course, I am mistaken.

"Open the door or I am calling 911. Here, I am dialing the number." She shouts again.

She wouldn't dare, would she?

"I'm going to tell them you are setting the building on fire."

I don't answer again and a moment later the tone of her voice changes completely.

It's something I've never heard from her before and it breaks my heart more.

"You can talk to me, Selena. Please."

I slowly push myself out of the bed and make my way to the door as Natalie keeps talking.

"Friends are for that, you know? To help you deal with things. I can listen, I am a good listener. Also, I can swear. That might be more useful."

I open the door slowly, making her stop surprised as if she didn't expect me to open up so easily.

Natalie sighs, staring at me with a sad and pitiful expression, and I hate it.

I let out a humorless chuckle, trying to make both of us believe that everything is okay.

"Why the sad face?" I ask her and we both notice how hoarse my voice is. "I'm fine. I'm not someone to die over a guy and you know it."

I tell her and even though the words leaving my lips are the complete truth, my eyes start to water and after a second the numbness is gone and I am crying again.

Natalie rushes inside, wrapping her arms around me, trying to calm me down.

"I am going to kill him," she mumbles, making me sob harder.

Yeah, everything is not okay.

~***~

And I keep waiting for him... for minutes, for hours, for days. And when all I get is his silence, I finally realize: his silence is my answer. That day was really the end for us.

Days turn into weeks and life keeps happening around me, and all I can do is watch everyone live their lives as if I'm outside, looking through a window.