Winning Hurricane

XXXVII- 04:00

"Babe.."

I looked at him when the car stopped. Hindi ko alam kung maayos ba ang naging usap namin since he just keep on apologizing earlier. I don't know what will happen after our trip, but I hope.. I just hope umayos na kami..

I already told him what I really felt and that's my last straw. I don't know what I'll do if this set up continues after my return from Japan.. Hindi ko naman kasi hiniling ang isang relasyon na kumplikado at hindi ako sigurado. Ayokong maging tanga kasi alam ko din naman sa sarili ko kung ano ang deserve ko.

Mahal ko siya. Mahal ko talaga siya, pero mahal ko din ang sarili ko. Hindi nawawala ang pag-mamahal ko sa sarili ko.

He may be my rest, but he's not my life.

At hindi ko gusto ang naging pagbabago niya these past few weeks..

I already made it clear to him.

He has his weakness, and it's Barbara, I know.. and it wasn't easy for him to see her suffering because they're more than best friends.. they're family as what he always say..

But I am not comfortable with their friendship.. I'm sorry, but I don't trust Barb. I just don't trust her feelings.. idagdag pa ang nanay ni Cane.

And if this continues na laging issue si Barbara.. na hindi niya kayang tiisin si Barbara.. na si Barb lagi muna, then he should also know na para sakin, sarili ko din muna.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-hawak niya ng mahigpit sa kamay ko. Mahigpit na parang natatakot siyang bitawan. Nakatingin lamang siya doon.

"Let's go to Tagaytay after your trip." He informed. His voice was low.. almost a whisper but I clearly heard every word and the sincere emotion in his voice. "I'll make it up to you."

I nodded.

"Love.." he called again.

"Hmm?"

Hindi agad siya umimik, instead, hinila lamang niya ako palapit sa kanya hanggang sa mayakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Burying his face at the crook of my neck. Hindi agad ako nakagalaw.

"Thank you.. for not letting go.."

I frowned.. nag-expect ba siya na bibitaw ako?

"Why?"

"I don't want to lose you, Cha. Please, stay with me." he achingly whispered, hindi lumuluwag ang yakap. There's desperation and tiredness in his voice.

"Cane.."

"Mahal kita."

Hindi ako sumagot at niyakap lamang siya pabalik. Equally giving him the tight yet comforting embrace he's giving.

**

Tahimik na sa buong bahay nang dumating ako, recessed lights na lamang ang bukas. It's just 8 in the evening, I guess maaga sila natulog tonight. I just shrugged, it was awfully silent again. I promised myself na hindi ko muna iisipin kahit ano sa susunod na three days but my family. Sobrang rare lamang na magsa sama-sama kami.

Uminom lamang ako ng tubig bago umakyat sa second floor, I was about to enter my room nang mapatingin sa door ni Charlie. My baby sister. Dahan dahan akong lumapit sa pinto at sinubukan kung naka lock ba ang pinto.. but knowing her, she doesn't know how to lock her room.

I gently opened her door, peeping. The lights were still on and she's reading her favorite book again. Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. It used to be my favorite too.

I cleared my throat to let her know my presence, she's too engrossed reading the book na hindi niya man lamang napansin akong pumasok. Parang laging first time niyang basahin yong libro kahit halos sobrang luma na.