Winning Hurricane

XLVI- Systole

"What was that?"

Napatingin ako kay Ansel na sumunod pala sakin. She's not holding Aella anymore. Agad napunta ang mga mata niya sa hawak hawak ko.

"Really? Mag-lalasing ka?" natatawa niyang tanong.

I just shrugged. Iniisip ko padin kung iinom ba ako ng madami ngayon or hindi since may trabaho na ulit ako bukas.. pero gusto kong uminom. I just want to feel so carefree, gusto kong layasan muna ako ng logical side ko. 

May mga panahon talaga na sobrang helpful na mas matimbang ang isip ko pero may mga oras na ayokong gumagana siya.. kasi ang hirap maging masaya kapag isip ko ang palaging nasusunod.. 

My whole system was always protesting.. 

"Okay, what's the problem?"

"Wala."

"Sus, ilang taon na tayo mag-kaibigan ngayon pa ba tayo mag-lolokohan?"

Nginitian ko lamang siya bago binuksan ang isang bote at ininom. Sumandal ako sa bar table. Ayoko yong ganitong pakiramdam na okay na'ko pero kailangan ko pang marinig ang sinabi ni Barb.. na kailangan mag-kita na naman kami palagi ni Hurricane.

Na para akong binalik sa umpisa.

Wala na dapat epekto pero sino bang niloloko ko?

Hindi kasi biro yong mga taon na pinilit ko ayusin yong sarili ko.

Hindi biro yong pag-mamahal na binigay ko at pagod na natanggap ko pabalik.

Maybe, everyone thinks it was so selfish of me na hindi ako nakinig o nag-bigay ng chance.. pero kasi paulit-ulit ko naman inintindi dati dba?

And if it is wrong to choose myself in the name of love, then I have sinned.

Napatingin ako kay Chandy, she was just waiting for me. Napabuntong hinga ako bago kinwento sa kanya lahat ng napag-usapan namin ni Barb kanina. Nakatingin lamang siya sakin, nakikinig hanggang sa matapos ako.

"I just don't get it why we always have to cross path.."

She smiled.. "Well, people always meet by purpose."

"I really don't see the purpose.. my life was better now."

"Are you? It sounds like you're just convincing yourself now."

"This is the life I always wanted, Ansel."

Kinuha niya ang hawak kong vodka bago tumikim, agad umasim ang mukha niya bago binalik sakin yon. Nakatanggap pa ako ng hampas mula sa kanya.

"Stop, Ansel! Masakit." Pinalis ko kaagad ang kamay niya dahil masakit talaga siya humampas. Hindi nalang sarili niya ang hampasin!

She laughed before shrugging, the she turned to me seriously.

"When you're older, you came to a sudden realization that you're not living the life you've always wanted. You're living a different kind of life, the one you never imagined. Pwede din na maybe, you achieved everything in your list. You're successful, and your reality's your dream. But then, it still feels empty. You're still seeking for that certain comfort every night. Then you will remember that certain person, that one person you truly loved so deep, so real you know it was endless.. and he'll never be yours to keep." She said with longing in her eyes.

And it scares me.

Not because of her words.. but because of how lonely her eyes looked just right now..

"You see, Chandy. Not everyone's given the chance to continue the love that was once wasted.. so think carefully, kung bibigyan ka ng second chance, please choose where your heart truly lies." Her eyes watered at mabilis na kinuha ulit sakin ang vodka na hawak ko.