Just A Nerd

Chapter Eight

LISA

"Lisa." Jennie's voice is heard from across our class after everybody has already left after school. Since I walked into this classroom, we haven't talked to each other even a word, and I am more than delighted to even think about it. This way, it's much easier to confront the truth.

We try to avoid yesterday's topic, and I want to thank her for that, but of course, she won't stop. I fall for her deeper, and I don't even know how cruel I am to even brush her off. How ridiculous it is to run away from your crush, right?

I look up to see her suddenly standing in front of me. "Huh?" I ask. I act as if I don't know what she wants to talk about, but deep down here, I hate myself for acting indifferently with her.

"About yesterday?" She smiles awkwardly as I stand up, putting my bag on my shoulder. "It's okay. No worries about it. It's nothing. I don't blame you or anything." I offer a calm smile back, but only to meet with her bitter one.

She comes closer, her gaze deep into mine. "It's nothing..." She mumbles. "Really, Lisa? You couldn't find any better word than that? Yesterday, I was not able to sleep even an hour, thinking about that only to hear your words 'it's nothing.' Like, really?" Her nostrils flare in anger as I look down at my feet.

"What do you expect me to say? That I also couldn't sleep, or I am really happy and satisfied that the rich kid of the school kissed me in front of my friend?" When I think I have gathered enough courage, I look at her. I immediately hit myself mentally. Her face really kills me right now.

Anger.

Hatred.

Confused.

"So, Yeri is your friend now? As far I know, you just know her. You call her your friend while I come to ask you out many times than I have ever asked my best friend out. Not to mention, your best friend dates Chaeyoung, my bestie. Now, the only thing you can come up with is 'Jennie is the rich kid of the school'." She laughs even though without humor. It's rather the pain I hear in her voice.

I clutch my bag strap tightly before responding. Hopefully, I can get a good answer this time. "Jennie, I don't want to hurt you or anything, nor I want to be too self-centered to even think that your pain is a consequence of your feeling for me. You might like me that's what I always think, and please don't play with my feeling if you don't because I know you don't-"

"I like you." The phrase falls out of her mouth too easily like it's easy for her to mutter. I try my best not to act like a stupid nerd while widening my eyes and opening my mouth, still in shock after a minute or two. Jennie fidgets nervously as if she is embarrassed about her confession or something, so I decide to help her save her face. "No, you don't." Yeah, that's what I have come up with to help her, but looks like Jennie decides on something worse. "I really do. I like you, Lisa. I like your academic intelligence, your sharpness, your hard work, your kindness, your-"

"Stop!" I shout. Right now, I want to scold myself so much for being a jerk to her, but she needn't do that to me. My yesterday dream can't be any truer than that. She's crying now. Her tears tear my heart into pieces because I am confused. Everything is confusing since my parents left me. I don't want to admit because aunt Dara has always been beside me and tries to make me feel better. I don't want to be an ungrateful kid, but can you blame me for that?

Trust issue.

I have it.

I own it.

I don't believe that anyone loves me enough to even sacrifice things they have to be with me. I close my eyes before walking away, hoping to every being in the world that she wouldn't call me again.

"What made you hate me this much, Lisa?" The girl's angelic and fragile voice makes me halt. She seems sad.

No.

She is sad, and I am the cause of it. It's ridiculously sad. How many people in the world wish for their crushes to love them back, and how many stupid people like me who turn their backs on them? It's so depressing when you want to have someone too much to the point that you don't believe that you can have them.

Therefore, I turn my back to the door and my front to her to tell her the truth, "Because you are Jennie Kim. I don't l-like Jennie Kim, not in a way that you are a bad person, but in the way that I don't like you like you do to me."

"Am I that bad?" She hangs her head low as I step forward, brushing her cheek with my thumb. The bold movement I have ever had with her. She leans in my palm, closing her eyes before opening back again. Her gaze is on mine. "Why, Lisa?"

"Remember, you are not bad. In fact, you have nothing flawed. You are the definition of perfection, just so you know, Jennie. Don't be embarrassed about yourself in any way. You can have the world if you want. There will be someone who can do that for you or provide you more. Don't make me feel sad. Don't make me think that I am the cause of your self-consciousness. You are flawless." Then, I wipe a few drops of her tears before walking slowly backward.

"The only flaw I have is I can never have you, and I will never understand why." She mumbles slightly but makes sure I can hear her. Make sure that when I come back home, I will mentally torture myself because of my self-consciousness, not her.

And, my flaw is you will never be mine, Jennie Kim.

And, it's my fault. My fate.