The Other Slip

Chapter 13

I sit on the floor, my back against my bed, staring at an imaginary point on the wall. Someone knocks at the door, but I don't move. The door opens and Gale finds me in the uncomfortable position I remain in.

-"Katniss, what are you doing?" He says, looking down at me with his hands on his hips.

-"Sitting on the floor." I reply, emotionless.

-"Katniss, you need to get your thoughts in order."

-"What's that supposed to mean?" I finally look back at him.

-"You've been given an opportunity! You can guide us all to freedom! And instead you sit and stare at a walk?! What happened to the Katniss from the woods, the one who despises the Capitol and would do anything to take it down?!"

I don't think I've ever been so angry at Gale.

-"I don't want this opportunity! I'm sick and tired of all this attention, I don't want it! You can do this just fine on your own, I don't want to be the face people look to for hope! You have no idea what I've been through Gale, so don't pretend you do." And I storm out of my own compartment.

I lay in bed, restless, tossing and turning while Prim and my mother snore quietly.

-"Katniss?" My sister's voice startles me. "Why are you awake?"

-"It's just a bad dream. Go back to sleep, little duck." I dismiss her, as I am so used to doing. She ignores my response and crawls into my bed.

-"What's bothering you?" She half asks, half demands. I know I should tell my sister, she has always been caring and trustworthy, but I still hesitate. Her worried eyes force me to speak.

-"Coin wants me to be the Mockingjay. The face of the rebellion. She wants me to convince the other districts to join us. But I'm not sure if I can take it. Everyone is insisting I accept, even Gale. He thinks I'm a coward for not agreeing."

-"What about Peeta?" She questions. She knows Peeta would never pressure me into something like this, but she needs confirmation.

-"Peeta thinks I should do what I want, not to do it if I'm not prepared. I'm not sure what I want though."

-"Don't you want the rebellion? I know you didn't at first, but it's different now. District 13 has amazing military capabilities."

-"I know, but what if we lose? Then it's all my fault. So many people will die. And the Capitol will kill even more, because they're traitors. They'll kill Peeta..."

-"If they win, they would kill Peeta whether you're the Mockingjay or not. As the Mockingjay you would reduce the chances of him dying."

I look down at my fingers, tapping the thin sheets one by one. After a minute of silence, I look back up at her.

-"I'm going to do it. I'll be the Mockingjay. I'll tell them tomorrow. Thank you, little duck."

-"Now get some sleep," she says, and kisses my cheek. "I love you."

-"Love you too."

I turn in my bed so that I'm facing the wall. Prim was now the big sister in our relationship, and I am not okay with that. It was my job to protect her, not the other way around. The games, and now the war, have forced her to grow up too fast. They have robbed her childhood from her. Mixed emotions of anger, regret, and guilt invade me, but sleep takes over before they can do too much damage.