The Other Slip

Chapter 30

It's awkward, at first. Even with my eyes closed I can feel it. Peeta has always been easygoing and good with words, but will he be able to carry a conversation alone with Gale? My eyelids start to feel heavy, but Gale's words wake me right back up.

-"So you and Katniss. Didn't see that coming."

Silence would have been better than this. Peeta sighs.

-"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put the three of us into this mess. I should've just shut up during the interviews and died in the games. I'm sorry Katniss loves me."

And I'm hurt. At the surface it may feel obvious why. He's sorry I love him? But really it makes sense. The act, the pressure, the confusion, have all made my life harder throughout the past year.

From the long pause, I can gather that Gale isn't convinced. But whether it's of Peeta's apology or of his last statement, about my love, is unclear.

-"I don't think Katniss is in a well enough state to understand her own feelings." Gale says.

Both of their words upset me and I don't think it will get better as the conversation moves forward. And I know this must also make Peeta angry, but he'll control his temper.

-"I think I trust her enough not to make rash decisions, especially about this," Peeta is careful with his words, "She didn't want to lose either of us. She still doesn't want to lose you."

Gale knows that. I made it quite clear while we were together.

-"How long has she known you. A year? A little more than a year? It's not like she's been happy during that time."

Gale's aggressiveness overwhelms me with anger. How dare he accuse Peeta in this way?

-"With the games, the act, and now the war, I don't think I'm to blame."

I don't understand how Peeta manages to keep his composure. What does he have to lose? There's no one watching. He's doing this purely out of principle. But there's only so much he can withhold.

-"Oh please bread boy. If you trace the situation back it's all your fault." He's trying to provoke him. "With all of your 'Because she came here with me' scenario."

I should go to sleep.

"You caused her this pain."

I don't want to hear the rest of this.

"And yet she's still stupid enough to love you."

I didn't fall asleep, that I know for sure. I'm still thinking clearly. But it's as if time is passing by slower at this moment. I've experienced this before, when I blew up the supplies in the first games. Only this time, Gale's words caused the atrocious blow, not the volume. I thought I had learned to not care what others think, but it's different when it's your best friend of six years. He has always supported me, or at least acted like he had.

I have always thought that being able to hear other people's thoughts must be a burden. I wouldn't want to know what people think of me, or think while speaking to me. It can't be anything good. But at this moment, I would love to know what Peeta is thinking. His honest reaction, not the one he is going to put out in words. It seems unbelievable that someone could be so purely good, that someone could never have any bad thoughts. The few times Peeta has been aggressive, he felt guilty, and wasn't near many people. But now he has to stay calm while surrounded by his sleeping squad, while Gale's quiet voice taunts him.

After what feels like an eternity of silence, I hear a soft laugh.

-"I'm not sure what kind of answer you're expecting," Peeta says between quiet chuckles, "I mean, you're right aren't you? Or at least to me you are. I don't know what she sees in me. But I also don't see why I would ask myself that question. She says she loves me. I want to believe she's telling the truth. And even if she isn't, I'll be there for her. Unless she tells me not to be." He pauses to laugh. "I basically put myself at her mercy, didn't I?"

I know Gale well enough to know that what Peeta said just enraged him. He got caught off guard. Now, relieved by Peeta's answer, I can drift off to sleep.