The Other Slip

Chapter 19

Dust has gathered all around the room, and more falls every time the walls shake from the bombs. Peeta even woke up coughing because of it. He left to get us breakfast, but he had been gone for a while so I decided to go find him. I tiptoe to the door, where Gale is crossing by right now. He stops when he notices me.

-"Katniss, what are you doing here?" he asks.

-"I slept here," I stutter, "I couldn't stay alone."

I cup my elbows in my hands, ashamed at my weakness.

-"Do you want to go eat breakfast?" He asks, "I was heading there."

-"Peeta went to get some," I respond, "But he's taking an abnormally long time."

-"Maybe he's already eating."

I know Peeta would never do that, but I don't respond. Gale places a hand on my back and guides me to a common area where government officials are handing out food. I am given a granola bar and an apple, and I start looking for Peeta. Gale spots him from across the room with a brown paper bag in his hand. He seems surprised to see me, but his usual smile spreads across his face.

-"Darn, I wanted to surprise you," his smile doesn't break, "I managed to get us some treats." He pulls two cookies out of the bag.

-"Thank you." I smile, awed by the effort he made to get these.

All three of us eat at a small table, an uncomfortable silence settling among us. The awkwardness is evident, but none of us address it. An announcement from Coin interrupts our meal, addressing the nature of the bombs: nuclear bunker missiles. I take small nibbles out of the chocolate chip cookie Peeta got, which is quite delicious. I notice both boys staring at each other with mixed emotions several times. Anger, jealousy, and guilt fill both pairs of eyes; they probably fill mine as well.

I despise the feeling of uncertainty inside me. I always need to know what is happening around me. This time, I don't, and I have no clue when I will. What are you supposed to do when you don't know? Hope. So that's what I am doing, because there is nothing else I can do. No matter how much I fight, or cry, or scream, it will not change the fate of my little sister and my mother. I am completely powerless. My goal has always been to protect Prim, so what will I do if I lose her? Prim would want me to keep going, to keep being the Mockingjay, but honestly, I don't know if I could. Gale would be disappointed in me for giving up. The old Katniss would be disappointed too. The old Katniss would be disappointed about a lot of things. I understand her.