The Other Slip

Chapter 31

I somehow wake up naturally. Which is surprising, since I only got around an hour of sleep. I keep my eyes closed. Peeta and Gale are no longer talking. What am I going to do? They shouldn't know I was eavesdropping. I don't want to cause a stir in the group either. I need to talk to Peeta though. He needs to stop doubting my love for him. Well, he doesn't seem to be actively doubting it, but it remains in the back of his mind.

Questions pour into my mind, and I try my best to answer them one by one. Do I want to salvage my friendship with Gale? Not if it's one-sided. Not if it's toxic. It's hard to let go. All of our history chains me down.

I feel guilty that this is what I am worrying about while on a mission.

I hear shuffling around me, so I sit up and stretch as if I just woke up. Peeta and Gale shoot cold looks at each other every once in a while, while the rest of us get out gear ready. I don't think anyone else heard their conversation last night, but no one here is stupid; they can tell something is wrong. I doubt anyone will address it though.

-"Alright Everdeen," Jackson's use of my last name sounds aggressive this time, as opposed to professional, "Do you have any other information about this mission of yours?"

I know that by answering, I'm just digging myself deeper in my own lie. But what other choice do I have now?

-"I wasn't given much information, for my own safety. Boggs knew about it and was supposed to guide us along the way."

Simple but convincing.

-"Well we know we have to get to the Capitol. We can't go through the streets, that's for sure." Finnick says.

-"No chance of going on roofs either." Cressida continues his train of thought.

-"Well then what does that leave us with?"

The atrocious stench of the sewers almost makes me gag several times. I want to talk to Peeta, but we need to stay quiet. At least for now, while we are in camera and microphone reach. We all follow Pollux, and Castor translates any information he wants to give us.

We finally reach a darker part of the underground tunnels, and are told that it is safe to talk. I take the opportunity to approach Peeta, and bring him a bit further away from everyone else, so no one will be able to hear us. He looks at me concerned, wondering what I'm going to talk about.

-"I'm not going to lie to you Peeta," I begin, "I heard you with Gale last night." His face drops. He has no way of knowing what I'm going to say next. There were many layers to the conversation, and many things I could comment on. "And Peeta, I just want you to know that I do love you. It's the truth. And I hope you never doubt it. I don't want you to ever question it."

He stands there, his lips parted slightly. I just look at him, waiting for him to formulate his words.

-"I didn't think you were listening," he manages to get out.

-"Well I couldn't fall asleep. I can't say I wasn't at least a little curious once you started talking though."

-"I didn't mean it like that, I promise. You aren't stupid, you're smart, and brave, and caring, and beautiful."

I interrupt him before he can continue.

-"Peeta, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about how you implied that you aren't sure if and why I love you."

This feels normal. But not my normal, just normal. The normal I would have experienced without the games, without the revolution. A couple. Love. Except in this case, we don't have any certainty in our future.

-"Well his words just got me thinking, and I realized it makes no sense, why would you love me?" He continues to rant but I stop him once more.

-"Peeta I'm not mad," I say, almost amused, "I just needed to let you know. I love you." I kiss him softly, then walk back to where the rest of the group is.