Ray Of Sunshine

Chapter 60: All Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

I lay the bunch of Lilies gently on my mothers grave.

I can't believe it's almost been 6 months since Mom passed... It feels like it was just yesterday.

I miss her every day.

Me and Ashton stand side by side in silence. It's never easy coming up here, but we try to visit as much as we can.

I take a deep breath and force a little smile, trying my best to hold back my emotions.

"Hey, Mama." My voice cracks a little, and I clear my throat before continuing. "Me and Ash brought you some Lilies. Your favourite." I quickly wipe a tear that's rolled down my cheek.

Ashton stays silent, and hangs his head down.

I always talk to her when I come up here. It makes me feel better sometimes. Ashton finds that hard to do... I think he feels like it's a bit silly, and it might be, but talking helps. It can be comforting, but I won't make him talk if he doesn't want to.

"Ashton is doing really well at college, and he's already made some new friends too."

I look down and tuck my hair behind my ear.

"I start my nursing course soon. I know how upset you were when I left the course the last time, but I told you I'd go back to it one day, didn't I?" I show a little smile, and bite my lip, fighting back my tears.

I go quiet while I try my best not to burst out in tears.

"I miss her." Ashton says quietly.

I frown and look up at him.

"Me too."

I put my arm around him, and squeeze him gently.

We stay a little while longer, and before we go I light a couple of candles.

"I'll catch you up." Ashton says, staring at the candles.

"Ok. I'll wait in the car." I show a little smile. "I'll come back soon Mom... I love you." I take one last look at her headstone, and then leave Ashton alone.

Maybe he'll find it easier to talk to her if I'm not there. I make my way through the graveyard and back to my car.

15 minutes later I see Ash walking towards the car. He keeps his head down, and wipes his eyes before putting his hands in his pockets. Seeing him upset makes my heart break even more.

He gets in the car, and puts his seatbelt on.

"You ok?" I ask.

He clears his throat and nods.

"Yeah." He shows a quick smile, but still avoids looking at me for too long.

He hates showing his emotions.

"It will get easier, Ash." I frown. "I know it's painful... and right now it doesn't feel like it will get better, but in time, it will."

"Yeah..." He nods.

They say time's supposed to heal you, and I'd like to believe that, although, I don't believe you ever fully heal after losing a loved one.

"You can talk to me." I smile. "About how you're feeling, or about anything else; you know that. You don't have to hide how you're feeling in front of me either, and don't be ashamed to cry. Boys can cry too. You're allowed to be upset."

"Thanks." He laughs softly. "But, I'm a man."

I laugh and roll my eyes.

"You're not even 17 yet, but ok."