Cascade » fourtris

|11| Too Much Thinking

Chapter : : eleven

“One last time
I need to be the one
who takes you home”

~Ariana Grande

*        *        *

I haven’t talked to Four since two weeks and neither has he talked to me, and I’m worried, scared even. We hardly have any classes together. Whenever I see him he quickly turns and walks away. He is clearly avoiding me and I being the coward, don’t dare to confront him. I don’t know but it feels weird being away from him, as if one of my arms or legs is missing.

It is all my fault. Why did I have to tell him the truth? Couldn’t I lie to him for once? Tell him that I did what he asked me to, I chose to be an uncured. But the truth is I know I wouldn’t have been able to lie to him. It’s as if when I look into his eyes I’m totally dazed and I've no control on my mind. My mouth speaks on its own. I just wanted him to be with me. And now I simply want to see him again.

I shudder at what I'm thinking right now. I’m totally high, I guess. But again whenever I think about how he asked me- ordered me to choose to be an uncured, anger immediately surges through me. Who is he to order me?

But when I looked into his eyes it was like I wanted to choose that and it felt like he was pleading with his eyes to make that choice. Couldn’t he simply tell me why he wanted me to make that choice, to be an uncured?

Damn it! This is so confusing. One moment I hate him and the next I want to be with him. I just want to at least see him, know if he is okay. Thinking about him sends shivers down my spine and my heart is a totally different story.

I have been going to the beach daily to see if he is there. But he is never there. So, I would just sit there and think about the little time we spent together.

You can’t ignore me anymore, Four. You have to talk to me. Tell me why you wanted me to be an uncured.

* * *

“Shhh ..,” Christina shushes me when I trip over my shoe laces and wince. “You don’t want to be caught sneaking in now, do you?”

We sneakily look into the principal’s office to see if anyone is there. She’s not. We quickly enter the room and quietly close the door behind us.

“Now come on, hurry up! Check his records and help me find his address,” I order as Christina ones again checks if anyone is there. We scan the records for Four’s address, my eyes going to the door every now and then. My heart beats so loudly that I’m afraid Christina can hear it. Wow, I feel like such a bad ass right now!

I had asked Christina to help me find Four’s address but I didn’t tell her the reason. Though she did seem suspicious as to why I would want to know his address. What was I going to say? Four asked me to choose to be an uncured but I chose exactly the opposite then we met each other at the beach ‘twice’ and when I told him that I didn’t choose what he had asked me to, he left and he hasn't talked to me ever since. He didn't even explain why he asked me to make that choice and I want to know why.

Yeah well that’s the right explanation but I don’t want to tell her that yet.

“Here,” Christina says pointing at his name. I take a photo of his address and slam the register shut.

We quickly move out the door. “You have to tell me why you wanted his address, you know that, right?” She demands as we head home. School was over and only the detention students were here. I’m really going to miss her. Who is going to take her place when she’s gone? In fact, no one can.

“Yeah, yeah I know,” I reply dryly. To be honest I am jumping with excitement inside at the thought of talking to Four again. But I am even more nervous, knowing the way my heart behaves when I’m with him. But I want to be with him. He makes me .. happy.

And if possible I want to do more than just talk. I visibly shudder at that thought.