Cascade » fourtris

|14| Ignite me

The greatest pain in life:

To sit beside the one you love and know that,
that person can never be yours.

~

"One sec, so this much has happened without my presence," I look at her weird. "No, No, I didn't mean it that way! I didn't want to see you two doing the dirty, you dirty, dirty mind!" She tries to explain.

"I didn't even say anything". I say lowly, which sounds a bit dramatic.

"I just meant to say, why didn't you tell me before? And that address, oh I got it," Christina finally says and I let out a deep breath. I've explained everything to her twice and still she didn't seem to understand anything and finally she has understood. Sometimes, she behaves like she's from some other planet.

"Yeah, you got it right," I reassure her.

"You know, you're an idiot Tris. You've chosen to be a cured and what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, Chris, I'm really confused," I say placing my chin on my bent knees. She throws herself on the bed. Finally, she has stopped spinning circles in her chair. I was worried, she would throw up after spinning so much but thankfully she hasn't. Yet.

Four had something to do so I couldn't see him today but he had promised to meet me tomorrow. And I need to spend some time with Christina too, she'll be leaving Reverie, forever. Thinking that makes me want to cry. Parting with Christina is going to be difficult.

"For now, let's forget about it," I say. I don't want to spend our little time left worrying about my extremely complicated life. "So, which movies do you have?" I ask rubbing my hands together.

"Yay!" she squeals, "Movie time!" I chuckle at her childish behaviour.

---

One thing they forgot to mention about Deliria is you become a professional liar. I've been lying a lot lately.

I don't know why but my parents never allow me to stay-over at Christina's-or anyone's (that's if I've any other friends, they're non-existent).

One more thing I've realized is, there're so many questions whose answers we don't know and we might never find.

I wear my pajamas and prepare to sleep. Just when I was about to fall asleep-was almost asleep, I feel someone's gaze on me. I open my eyes to meet Tobias's gaze. I almost jump when I see him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake to up," he says seriously.

"That's fine," I wave my hand dismissively, "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't wait to see you," he says and I hope my red cheeks are not visible in the faint moonlight entering through my window.

"You could get into a serious trouble for this, you know?"

"I know," he says simply. I move over to let him lay beside me. Even though the thought scares me-Tobias and me in the same bed. Its not like we are doing anything. Or are we? But I want to. I shudder at that thought.

The mattress dips a bit as Tobias climbs in the bed beside me.

For a few moments we just lay there in silence listening to each other's breaths, our hands twitching to hold each other. I finally sigh and extend my hand and wrap around his torso. I thought I felt his breath hitch slightly.

He then puts his hand carefully on the small of my back and tugs me towards him. I let him. He gently places his chin on top of my head and I can swear that he is placing feather-light kisses on my head, making me shiver in his arms.

"Four? I was wondering, the first time I met you, you were a total ass but all of a sudden you changed and began to show me your true side. Why is that?" I ask and he is silent for a long time and he's still, not moving at all, as if deep in thought. His breath tickles my forehead and sends shivers down my spine. Then he starts speaking.

"The first time we met-when you bumped into me, it wasn't the first time I saw you. I had liked you for a while then. I don't know what but there was something about you that caught my eye. You seemed .. happy. Believe me Tris, I've never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else. I wanted to just talk to you, get to know you and maybe even tell you how much I like you but somehow I knew I couldn't have you and I thought that if you would hate me, it would be easy for me to forget you. But you didn't hate me. You never did," his grip tightens around me and he pulls me even more closer to him, if that's even possible.

"At the party, you were looking like a lost puppy," he laughs at that memory, his chest vibrating with laughter then he continues,"I could tell that you were there for the first time. I tried so hard to not follow you but somehow I ended up following you. And I couldn't resist myself from being close to you. So I did what my heart wanted. I was standing so damn close to you and yet I couldn't touch you and it drove me insane. At that moment I knew I couldn't let you go. I tried to stop you from choosing uncured but you didn't do what I told you to. It was difficult to not stare at you, forget you. But now I have you. That's all that matters," he says but it is impossible to concentrate on what he's saying when he's so close to me, breathing in my neck.

I touch his cheeks gently and say, "Thanks for telling me this".

"You have every right to know about it," he says holding my gaze. I press my lips against his and my whole body is on fire. I want him. I need him is all I can think. My hands roam all over his body.

My shirt has gone up a bit, exposing my stomach. His warm hand grazes my bare stomach and I can feel my breath hitch. I need to stop him but I don't want to. His hand moves further up and brushes against my breast and I gasp. I'm not wearing a bra, I remember. This might be so embarrassing. I don't know where this is going. I pull away knowing I need to stop him.

"Tobias," I say in a breathy voice.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help it. But I would never do anything that you don't want me to," he says sincerely and I believe him. He pulls my shirt down again and puts his hands on my hips. I instantly feel disappointed. But I know that it is for the good. We need to go slow. Even though every inch of my body is chanting only one thing, 'Ignite me'.