Cascade » fourtris

|17| Unite me

"We all have the potential to do terrible things. But we also have the potential to overcome our mistakes"

~Veronica Rossi

I hear voices around me, people speaking in hushed tones-mom, dad and Christina speaking. I open my eyes and see them talking amongst each other. Christina seems to have noticed I am awake.

"Tris!" She says and holds my hand but flinches a bit.

"We'll forgive you this time for going out without permission and breaking the curfew and almost dying," my mom says but there's an edge to her voice. I smile a little at that, cured or uncured she's my mom, there has to be a caring part in her somewhere.

"How did this happen?" My dad's voice.

"She needs rest, she shouldn't talk. You can ask her later. Now let her get some rest," my mom says standing up. "Tris, you need rest. Sleep."

Christina sits beside me on the bed when my parents leave. "Look at yourself, at your hands," she says.

I lift my right hand and see red ridges all over it. I hear Christina wince beside me. It looks so bad, ugly. My skin is hardly visible; it's covered with red lines. I don't wince because I don't feel any pain, I feel numb. I'm totally drained off emotions.

"How did this happen?" I ask in a weak voice.

"You don't remember anything from last night?"

That's when everything comes flooding back and hits me like a hard brick. Tobias and me quarrelling, truck, glass shattering.

"Tobias," I say rising a little and anger rushes through me but it just doesn't last for some reason. "Where is he? Does he even know I'm here?"

"I told him," she says looking down. "He told me everything, he wanted to see you but I thought you wouldn't want to see him."

I fall back. I want to see him but I can't. Maybe he wants to break my heart in an even more brutal way. But it can't change the fact that I miss him terribly and want him right here, beside me, holding me, kissing me, telling me everything will be alright. But the thing is what if the person who comforts you hurts you? Where will you go?

"Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to sleep." She reluctantly leaves the room. I lie on my back, facing up and try to sleep.

---

"I'm so sorry Tris," I hear a voice plead and I can recognize this voice anywhere. Tobias. I can tell that he isn't much of an expert in apologizing.

Even though I want to, I don't comfort him. He needs to know what suffering is. But again he has suffered almost as much as I have.

"I never would have been able to forgive myself if anything had happened to you," he speaks and I don't dare to move. I remain as still as I can and listen to him. "Hell, I can't even imagine living without you. I'm an idiot, I'm a jerk as you call it. You were right, I'm selfish. I'm so sorry," he says. I almost reach out to him, wanting to ease the pain behind his eyes. His hand comes to my cheek and I feel myself pressing my cheek even more into his palm, needing him with me, wanting to melt into him, feel safe in his arms.

"So you're finally here," I say weakly, opening my eyes.

"I ... I don't know what to say Tris. It's so confusing. I only want you to forgive me, not hate me," he says and I almost tear up seeing him so broken.

I shake my head. He was willing to give up on us, our love, to keep me alive. It was infuriating.

I can't forgive him, not yet. He has broken me too. And I'm scared he'll leave me once he sees the scars on my hand.

"Tobias, my hand is damaged. Will you still love me once you see the red skin? Will you be able to touch me without wincing every time you see or feel the ridged skin?" I want him to tell me he loves me more than my body.

He takes my injured hand, pushes the sleeve of my gown up and holds it looking straight into my eyes. He doesn't flinch; he holds it tenderly and kisses the bruised skin. I again feel those shivers every time he touches me. I stare back at him, matching his intense gaze. I have trouble breathing. God, how many times am I going to fall for this man? I'm already so deep into him that it feels like if I go any further I will sink but somehow I know he will be there to catch me.

He silently asks me with his eyes, do you believe me now? I love you more than your body.

Even displaced, frightened, grieving, he is a force. A man. I close my eyes against the glory of him.

I find it hard to not forgive him. I can see, feel the truth behind every word he says, his eyes, that I want nothing more than to forgive him. He kisses my eyes, my nose, my cheeks lingeringly and searchingly with one of his hands on my scared arm and the other gently cradling my neck, my cheeks, leaving me breathless like he always does.

"I'm so sorry baby. I don't know if I'm being selfish or not but I'll never let you go," he says and again I feel my breath hitch in my throat.

***

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