Luke x Reader (JATP) - barely editing anymore

chapter 24

tw: ed, self harm, abuse
if any of these trigger you pls don't read this chapter!

you woke up with ethans arm lightly across my stomach and nick and lucas cuddling, from what you could remember you were pretty sure you dares them to do it, but you drank a lot, so it was hard to remember exactly what happened.

a few moments after you woke up the two boys who were previously cuddling immediately jumped off each other one realising that i was the two of them, in a bed, all you could do was let out a little giggle at the stupidity of the two of them.

i hadn't been to lucas's house before so i had no idea where the advil was and my head was currently killing me.

"want something to eat, i can make like a bagel or something" nick recommended to the four of you.

"no i'm good just where's the advil my heads on fire" you said whispering with a hand over your head in a way to tell them to shut up.

"uh yea ill go grab it"

the four of you went downstairs waiting for lucas to return with the advil. while waiting ethan made himself some cereal, as nick made a bagel both asking again if you wanted anything to eat which you quickly declined. you remembered that only a day or two ago while staying at carries the two of you ate a lot of food.

normally you would go a day or two without eating and then have a smoothie or something and repeat the process, but this time you had a lot of food and just the thought of putting anything else inside your stomach made you feel bloated and disgusting.

once lucas came down to give you the advil you took two and then started to head home.

at least i'm skating that's kind of exercising, right?

if i just don't eat for the rest of the week, and then i can go for a run later, i'll be fine.

the thoughts rushing through your head not letting your mind escape from the worry. yea you knew not to let anyone else judge and the whole beautiful on the inside thing, you really did believe it because whenever viewing others not once did you think about anything other then their friendliness and personality. however when it came to yourself you had a lot of self esteem issues and couldn't find it anywhere in you to truly believe you were beautiful whether that being inside or out.

once getting back to the house, you realised you were running out of clothes and had to go back inside of the actual house instead of just where you've been staying in the garage.

you snuck in through you're window hoping that your father wouldn't hear you.

you were wrong.

it was the fastest i've seen him, all the horrible words spitting out of his mouth like a poison.

he knew exactly what to say to make you feel weak making sure to include the words "whore" "slut" "fat" and "ugly".

after he was done beating you verbally then came the physical part of it. you were surprised luke, alex, and reggie couldn't hear it and assumed they were out.

the only good thing was that he had some common sense, although it only really helped him, in the short one it helped you a little. he knew that if anyone saw the bruises he would go to jail. so whenever punching and kicking he would aim more for the stomach and legs part that could be easily covered with clothing, purposefully missing the face.

(a/n when i say good thing i don't mean it at all this is such a horrible thing to do if someone is doing this to you it's not okay and u shld reach out for help i'm j saying this bc y/n is blinded by her love for her father before he turned into a horrible person and for her she was taught that this was a good thing by her father never experiencing love anymore)

once y/n finished up and went back to passing out on the couch, you couldn't really think clearly which is why the next few things you did probably weren't the best ideas, but you were blinded by your anger, sadness and all above betrayal from your father.

you grabbed a bag of more clothes remembering that was why you came, but instead of sneaking out, this time you snuck down to steal a bottle of vodka from your father.

once you got everything you needed you headed back to the garage, luckily not seeing any of the guys. you headed into the bathroom once grabbing a hoodie and sweats, and turned on the shower.

you sunk to the floor of the shower feeling the warmth along your body. you were sad but there were no tears, there was nothing anymore. you simply stared at the wall thinking about everything wrong in your life. and that was when you made bad decision number 2.

you looked over and saw the razor. you didn't used to be like this, your life was perfect, you were normal you never would even think about doing something like this. but right now all the good memories were clouded by the bad ones.

do it your a worthless piece of shit.

at least you'll be able to feel something.

what's the worst that can happen.

those thoughts along with the words from you father and remembering that the cop last night was staring at your ass, and that people would only ever treat you like nothing but an object to be won.

you did it.

you dragged the razor across your arm watching as the red liquid dripped down into the drain of the shower, getting washed away by the water. but it worked the tears finally left your eyes, you could feel something, it didn't matter that it was pain, it was something.

you finally got out of the shower once washing your hair and body and put on the hoodie and sweats making sure to cover any bruises or cuts that were shown.

you walked out of the shower, eyes red and puffy from crying. and well, there was no one there, no one to just hug, no one to comfort you, nothing. and so came bad decision number 3. you grabbed the bottle of vodka that you stole from your father.

you took a big sip of the alcohol as long as you could stand the burning sensations that went down your throat. and then after taking it out of your mouth, you took another sip, and another until half the bottle was gone.

and by the time that luke arrived back home you were full on drunk.

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ELLA RAMBLES

i wanna b really clear when i say i do not promote underage drinking and i'm definitely not glorifying eating disorder, or self harm, if you deal with any of these topics please please don't be afraid to reach out and get help!

also i'm here if anyone ever needs to talk, i'm obviously not a therapist but i'm a rly good listener!

so um yea sorry if u guys don't like this chapter but i wanted to show how much everything is affecting y/n.