In The Mind of a Zulu Wife Book 2

Chapter 20

CHAPTER 19 CONTINUATION

I feel the sudden urge to pee. I rush the bathroom but I am too late my dress is wet I just peed myself. I am so embarrassed right now. I continue to move towards the bathroom but it seems too far now with the pain I am experiencing in my lower back. My doctor recommended I do C-section because these babies are too big I cant give birth normally. I was scheduled to go under the knife in a week, this cant be right. I scream in pain as it gets sharper. He rushes to my side holds me and seats me down on the nearest chair and we do breathing exercises he gets my bag with everything prepared. He calls my doctor and he helps me and walk to the car, while doing the breathing exercises, I see a screaming Qhawe he is crying and making unnecessary noise so I am also crying in pain he is also screaming I am annoyed by what he is doing right now. I finally get in the car and this pain is not going anywhere. I want to squeez something maybe that will help me out to reduce this pain.

Sandiso gives me a stress ball to squeez but right now its too soft, he starts the car and starts driving. He is very calm, while driving the pain seems to be leaving now it feels a bit better, I breathe out and my throat is very dry must be from all the screaming, just then another sharp pain stabs me on my left side of the stomach I scream out in pain this is worse than before, I am sweating due to this pain it stabs 2 times in a row I scream out in pain again and he now looks worried. They are now back to back with break in between. They are coming, my babies are coming I can feel them moving. We eventually get in the hospital I am rushed to the theater.

5 Hours later

The labor went well, I fell asleep immediately after they were born I didn't get to see them, I am waiting to see them now that I am awake I cant wait to breastfeed them for the first time. In as much as I am mother for the 3rd time I am so excited to bond with my babies and see them crawl for the first time, see them walk, hear them say their first word. All those beautiful things a parent wishes for their kids. Sandiso walks in with one baby wrapped in pink he says she is Zesuliwe. He looks exhausted shame, he has been here since. He hands her to me and I get emotional because I am looking at a younger me, she looks like me. This is how my baby girl have looked if she had lived, but I am grateful to be given another chance to have a baby girl. She cries and she is perfect, she has her fathers ears.

I am now waiting for the other one and Sandiso isn't moving to get him. He looks sad as he is looking at us, he smiles at us but I can tell he is worried. "Sandiso where is my baby boy?" I ask. He looks at the floor then at me. "He is at NICU, the doctors are saying something about his lungs being underdeveloped, but he will be fine." He says unsure of what he is saying. What ? How is that possible, just then the doctor comes in he smiles at us. "You are finally awake Mrs Ngidi. How are you feeling?" He says carrying a file while checking and reading something from these pipes connected to my vains. "I would like to know how is my baby then I will be fine." I say. His smile disappears something must be wrong. He explains something about twin transfusion something and that its uncommon in fraternal twins this then led to my son having underdeveloped lungs that will need support for the next month or two, and that Ze came out bigger than her brother.

Okay I hear all that but I want to see my son. Sandiso wheels me to the ward where my son is, there he is he looks like his father and his brothers. Soso named him Mthobisi. He looks frail and sick, seeing him lying there breaks my heart that's not how its supposed be. He was supposed to be healthy and crying like his sister. This isnt how its supposed to be. I just want to hold him and breast feed him till he becomes bigger. I just want to hold him, touch him at least and bond with him I cant wait a month for me to hold him I just cant. Why does God not give me happy endings, why is everything supposed to be half happiness for me. I can never be fully happy something has to happen to prevent me from fully enjoying my happiness. So I guess happy endings are only in books and movies.

Sandiso named the kids beautifully, "So why Zesuliwe and Mthobisi?" I ask breastfeeding Ze. " Zesuliwe because God has wiped away your tears by finally gifting you with a girl and Mthobisi because he is soothing your pain by giving you two beautiful babies for the pain you experienced." He says, he is not okay I can tell that Mthobisi's sickness is weighing heavily on him. He is remaining strong for me but I can tell he has been crying his eyes are red and a bit swollen. Ze fell asleep and her father has been way too quiet. "Talk to me, whats bothering you?" I ask. "You know I feel this is somehow my fault. I was warned that this would happen, I ignored it the doctors always said our babies are growing just fine." He says. "What do you mean?" I ask curiously.

"I was at a shisanyama few months back just after I paid lobola a man came up to me and told me I was going to lose one of the twins or both if I don't fix somethings with my ancestors, because you are still married to Siya technically you guys never informed them of your split his ancestors still consider you as one of their own so they are angry to see you with another man and even bearing kids for me, and he said that we both needed some cleansing you because of the baby you lost, and I needed cleansing for some of the things I have done. I ignored him I thought he was mad. " He says. What a load of BS. So what now I have to go back to Siya and beg him to have these weird ceremonies, I respect ancestors a lot but sometimes they are unreasonable, why do they have to take it out on kids? Hayi I am tired. Soso is very traditional and I think he wants to fix all this and he has deep respect for his ancestors. I can never have peace in my life isnt it so? There is always something and I am tired.

Why does God not give me happy endings, why is everything supposed to be half happiness for me. I can never be fully happy something has to happen to prevent me from fully enjoying my happiness. So I guess happy endings are only in books and movies.