In The Mind of a Zulu Wife Book 2

Chapter 9

2 months later.

This has been a really long year I cant believe its our 8th marriage anniversary today. This year has been challenging and even more challenging for my marriage, but all that's happened has brought us closer than before, but even with that being said I don't think I can handle anything else Siya has in store for me because I am tired, this polygamy thing is not as easy as I thought it would be. The challenges are much more than the benefits. I am honestly tired of all this but one thing I will do is celebrate our anniversary we have made it this far, and Siya has improved he is a better husband, than he was 3 years ago he listens to me, he tries to be there for me at all times, his effort is admirable. We are going to Maputo for our anniversary, I have always wanted to go there looking at the pictures its really beautiful so it is my ideal vacation with a loved one. Our plane leaves in 1hour 30minutes and I prefer being in the airport early. Siya is running late and he said he is going to be here an hour ago. Let me call him and it rings and goes to voicemail I try again and same. Where is Siya? He is going to make us late.

I have been waiting for over 2 hours now and I am getting sleepy. Let me nap Siya will wake me up when he gets here because I still cant get hold of him. I change into my pajamas and get into bed. He better have a good reason for this. I am honestly tired I am tired I don't even have the energy to be mad at him. I cant even fall asleep I keep looking at my phone hoping he will call, but nothing. So is this how I want to spend the rest of my life, with someone who is inconsistent. I have been letting a lot of things slide, I have tolerated this BS for a while now, I have also been quiet for a long time I haven't complained and he continues to treat me like I don't matter as much in his life I probably don't matter as much as I thought. I eventually fell asleep after all these thoughts which led me to cry myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and there was nothing on my phone, I try calling again it rings unanswered and now I am not mad or angry but I am worried. I try Nandi's phone and it goes straight to voicemail. I call Mlotshwa he answers immediately. "Sis Buntu, how are you?" He asks. "Do you have any idea where I can find your brother?" I ask. "Oh they are in hospital, Nandi was in labor last night." He says. "Oh thank you I've been wondering where he was thanks." I hang up. Okay that makes sense. But I still feel disrespected texting me would have gone a long way. I don't think I can do this anymore. I am relieved that Siya is okay and that the baby was delivered safely. The baby is born on our anniversary this would cause a lot of issues for us in future, imagine Siya having to choose between his anniversary with me and his daughters birthday it wouldn't be fair on either of us.

Its 9am right now and I feel the need to drink some wine, and I actually need it. I open some wine and I prepare a playlist to get me through these tasks I have in mind I start by unpacking all the clothes we packed for our trip, I call to cancel in the hotel we were going to be staying in. I might as well do 'spring cleaning' because I am stressed out I am cleaning all the corners of this house. I color co-ordinate the clothes and everything else in the house. My phone rings its him I answer. "Hello" I answer, I am not interested in whatever he has to say. "Baby I am sorry. I should have called you to inform you that I am no longer coming I am sorry." He says. "Okay." I just say and I hang up. I am just hurt more than I am mad, and for how long does this have to continue for me to realize that I am not as important as I thought I am. The house is now spotless I even rearranged the furniture.

An hour later I am feeling tipsy AF, I hear two voices coming from the kitchen. "You know you will lose her right? If you continue like this, don't say I didn't warn you." Its Sihlangu and Siya is holding a glass of whiskey in his hand, he looks like he hasn't slept in a while. "I know, but I just sometimes forget about her." He responds. I don't think they noticed that I am right behind them its just the house is dark I didn't turn on any lights. This sounds like an interesting conversation. "She is a wonderful woman and honestly I don't know why she puts up with you. You just don't realize this. if you cant manage this polygamy of yours anymore rather tell her because its obvious where your heart lies." Sihlangu says. I know they are talking about me. "I cant just let her go, I mean I love her she was once my world. She makes me feel like a man, she makes me feel like I am in charge. Nandi challenges me a lot but it gets tiring at times and when I get to Buntu she is kind, she is warm and very welcoming, she brings peace in my life. She is very patient with me. " He says. "I hear you but you cant keep hurting her like this, with Nandi you are afraid of messing up and disappointing her, but with Buntu it's like you don't care how she will be affected by your actions how long does she have to put up with you?" Sihlangu says. Siya takes a sip of the whiskey then sighs. They are now sitting quietly.

I turn on the lights they both look back and they seem surprised to see me standing here. I walk towards them and I smile at Sihlangu. "Nonkosi to what do we owe the pleasure? I didn't know you would be visiting us today?" I ask, as if I heard nothing from their conversation. "Oh I just decided when we were at the hospital that I havent been here since that day Nkanyezi was introduced to us, and I last saw you weeks ago during Nkanyezi's ceremony." He says. "Oh okay thank you its always a pleasure seeing you do you want something to eat? I cooked a lot of food so I cant let it go to waste." I say. "Oh yes please I am so hungry, I havent eaten the whole day." He says with a smile and Siya is well aware that I am ignoring his presence. I dish up for them, hand them their food. "I unfortunately cant be joining you I am not feeling well, if you are sleeping over Siya knows the guestroom you will find it ready goodnight." I say and head to my room. I just got into the shower and I just cried.

My mom always said to me when a man doesn't want you anymore notice how he treats you, most times than not he wont tell you he doesn't want to you anymore. His actions will show you I never understood what she meant I always thought she was giving me old and outdated advise but she was right. I am witnessing this right now its happening to me. I have know this for a while the moment he asked for a second wife, he didn't want me anymore but I came back, I kept on forgiving him, I kept on hoping he change and realize that I am just as important in his life. I kept on holding onto something that wasn't there anymore. I just heard him say I was once his world. Was once being the key words. Its clear I am no longer as important. I should have left, I shouldn't have came back.

Getting out of the showering Siya is sitting on the bed talking on the phone, he sees me and he tells the person on the phone bye. He hangs up then inspects me for any emotion or something. "How is the baby? " I ask. "She is perfect, she is healthy and she looks like the boys." He smiles just thinking about it, he is happy about this. "What did you name her?" I ask. "Ayize, in full its Ayizeinjabulo( Let there be happiness)." He says. "That's a beautiful name and how is her mom doing?" I ask, I know how tiring and how complicated child birth can be. "She doing well even though this was a long labor because the baby came early." He says. "That's great." I say. I get into bed and he takes off his clothes and goes to the shower. He is done in about 15 minutes. "Oh you are still awake, I thought you would be asleep by now." He says, getting in bed. "Is Sihlangu sleeping over?" I ask. "Yeah he is." He replies. That's weird Sihlangu never sleeps over, he probably fought with his wife or something that's the only reasonable explanation as to why he would sleep over. "I am sorry, I should have informed you that I cant make it anymore. I shouldn't have just disappeared. I am sorry." He apologizes.

"Its fine, I wanted to talk to you about something." I say. He looks at me. "I think its about time we part ways, this thing between us is no longer working. I mean we have been trying for the past 3 years but it seems we are not going anywhere, I feel like we keep rotating around the same point without any movement. Marriage is about growth and being there for each other, celebrating each other and just loving each other. That has been missing for a while in our marriage, I feel like we are friends with benefits, instead of growing with each other I am not growing, I am regressing, and to be quiet honest with you I am not happy, I haven't been happy for a while." I say. He keeps quiet.

"We can work it out like we always do right? I mean I love you and I know you love me." He says. "No I don't think so, I love you yes but do I want to spend the rest of my life like I am the last thing on your mind no. That's no longer enough for me I need someone who will love me and keep me happy someone who will respect me and maybe be afraid of losing me. You carry on as if you have nothing to lose, its easy for you to miss our dates and whatever for your wife, I am no longer an important part of your life." I say. He is still quiet. "So what about the kids." He finally says. "The kids will be fine we will co-parent whatever happens between you and me shouldn't affect your relationship with them." I say. "What do we do with Nkanyezi?" He asks. "Nkanyezi is my daughter so she will remain with me like the boys unless you have a problem with that." I say. "Okay that's fine." He says after a long silence. "I will sleep in the other guest room." He says and leaves. So, I just broke up with my husband, there is no turning back now.  

Its about time I choose myself, I have been choosing Siya for a while over myself. I have been through this leaving phase, but this time I am leaving. I am not going back under any circumstances, I have tried my best to make it work but it just didn't work out. My ancestors will forgive me I have had enough. Going back to Siya brought me more tears than happiness.