In The Mind of a Zulu Wife Book 2

Chapter 28

The funeral was today and we buried Baba. My husband still hasn't shed a tear. Its not healthy but he doesn't cry. I have been with him for 6 years and I have never seen him shed a tear. He just internalizes pain and releases all of it during sex, if not sex he punches the bag till he cant anymore. I just want him to cry and let it all out he lost his father whom he loved so dearly. We are in his fathers house in the room where we he has been sleeping for the past week.

Its half past even, it has been a long week, of receiving and shaking strangers hands who seem to have a lot of good stories to share about Baba. They tell us how great of a man he is. They go on about how funny he was. All I could think about was my dear husband who is not coping in anyway. This is the first time we are alone this week, we didn't sleep in the same room because we are supposed to sleep in the mattress with MaShenge because she has no daughters who will do that with her.

"Sandiso how are you taking everything?" I ask. He ignores me. "If you need to talk I am here with you, I am here to help you through this." I say and we seat silently, I will be patiently waiting for him to speak to me when he processes it. "You know the house is now too quiet we are now left alone to deal with it. We have to deal with the fact that Ntinga my father is gone. Its funny how everyone had amazing things to say about him, when we knew for a fact that they hated him. My father was no angel he even prided himself with some of the bad things he has done. I loved that he was honest and would let me know when I annoyed him or when I am wrong." He says and I think he is processing it now, his breathing faster now.

He is trying to suppress it. "Baba loved his children he loved us." He says now his voice is breaking. I don't know whether to hug him and comfort him or just let him be. He takes a deep breath looks up trying to prevent the tears from falling. "You know we talked on the phone the day he died. He called me to wish the twins a happy birthday. We even talked a bit, he asked me how the kids are doing, we talked about the weather, sports, he even gave me advice about our marriage. He made me promise that I would take care of mom, you, the kids, he told me to take care of myself and when he said goodbye it felt like it was goodbye forever because he even told me he loves me which was strange, he never is vocal about loving us his actions showed us he loved and him saying it was strange. Something was different." He says, he sniffs and fake coughs he should just let it out and stop this.

"I cant believe I will never see him again, I will never see his near perfect smile, I wont ever hear him say 'Sandiso sokuhle' ever again and when he is angry or I disappointed him he would call me 'Sandiso sezinkinga' ." He says then laughs at the last past. "Nobuntu, my dad is gone. He is gone. Bhekithemba Ntinga Ngidi is gone." He says. His voice breaks and tears start to flow, I get closer to him and I hold him he lays his head on my breast he starts sobbing, and sobbing. He is now crying. His tears are flowing like he has been banking them for a longtime. I hold him tight and he lets it all out till there are no tears left in him and he has the hiccups which occurs after someone stops crying.

He lets me go and stares at the space in the room. I get him the sugar water solution and some sleeping pills. He hasn't slept till the day he heard the news, I know this because of the way he has been drinking coffee and energy drinks. He looks tired. I came back in the room and he hasn't moved. I hand him the glass of water he drinks it and seems to calm down, and I hand him the pills he looks at them for a while then finally swallows them, I get in bed with him and we just cuddle till he fell asleep. I am hungry right now I havent eaten all day so I walk to the kitchen and I find the other wives here too. "You couldn't sleep too? Join us" Thembi takes a cup out of the cabinet places it on the kitchen counter where they are seated she pours wine for me. I could seriously use one, I join them and we sip our cups silently.

"Jama hasn't cried since he continues on as if nothing happened." Buhle says. "I know Zano only broke down yesterday and that alone was hard to get him to do." Thembi says. Nqobile complains about the same thing and I know I also have the same complaint but I wont air my husbands' business like they're doing. "You know I cant believe we will never see him." Thembi says and we all sigh with sadness. "You know that man was scary he had this heavy aura, that made it uneasy to be around him. Now that I think about it I have been here for over ten years. I have never had a proper conversation with him." Thembi says and the other ladies agree.

What are they talking about he has always been friendly towards me, in fact he just reminded me of Soso. "Buntu you were his favorite you two were always talking and joking which we found weird because we always thought he was quiet." Buhle says and they now look at me and I have no idea what they are talking about. "I think its because I have always been the daughter he never had, I grew up with the guys." I say. They seem shocked by that, its only now that I realize that I don't talk to these women as much, we only talk when there are family events and that's where our relationship ends.

We keep talking and sharing some of the memories we had about uBaba. We laugh about some of the things we learn a lot about each other. I may not like Nqobile but she is not bad she is very funny, and has amazing story telling skills. I have a lot in common with these ladies none of us have real jobs, we have small businesses, we are stay at home moms and we are all highly educated. I guess this drinking session was great for us to build a relationship with each other so we can support each other through these times, and I am gladly accepting this I havent had friends in a almost two decades. I could use some friends right now people who know exactly what I am going through.

I go to bed and he is still sleeping these pills have knocked him out. I am glad he is getting some rest. I cant seem to fall asleep. I am thinking about how much I am going to miss the old man calling me Ntuthu. He was such a great man he had his flaws but he was good to his family, he was a bit hard on Sandiso because he knew he was exactly like him. Baba loved his grandkids he was always bearing gifts when he came to visit us. He loved my sons and always referred to them as 'abafana bempi' ( boys who love war.) because they are always looking for fights especially Qhawe. His laughter was contagious, he had the most beautiful smile.

He loved music and if you ever saw me and him talking it was either about sports or music. I wonder how will we move on from this. I feel for MaShenge who will comfort her during these trying times, she will always be reminded of him when she looks at her sons. This big house will always be a reminder that she shared this house with him. How do I remain strong for Sandiso?