MEDTECH SERIES #1
Estelita Isabel Figueroa just graduated from Senior High School, and finally getting a taste of freedom, living in Quezon City adds a check to her long list of bucket list, choosing her degree program--BS in Medical Technology adds...
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Keep yourself checked, okay? Call me if there's a problem. -Mom
A smile formed on my face as soon as I read my mom's message. Ilang oras pa lang yata since they left me sa dorm, pero mom couldn't stop messaging me. I can't blame her, anyway—I haven't been away from home since I was born, tapos biglang giant leap na sa Quezon City ako mag-aaral for College when I barely even know the outside world. My classmates would probably laugh at me kung malaman nilang first time kong sasakay ng tricycle nang mag-isa if I have to run for some errands outside the school.
I'm scared to live independently, sa totoo lang. Bluffing na lang siguro 'yung ginagawa ko as a facade. Hindi ko naman talaga 'yun maiiwasan. The more I try to avoid reality, the more I'll just be scared of facing the world—and I didn't want that. I have dreams—lots of them, and I can't always bury myself underneath my blanket of comforts just to hide from the gruesome reality of the world.
Besides, I can't let my diagnosis depict me forever.
I may be clinically diagnosed with depression, pero ayaw ko rin namang 'yun 'yung maging dahilan para lang hindi ko tuparin 'yung pangarap ko. My relapses are just a part of me that I can't completely change... but I have yet to overcome it all. Mahirap man harapin 'yung totoo, I can't just let my parents provide for me just because I suddenly disconnect from the world. Mom says I don't have to feel bad about my condition, but I can't always help it and still feel bad about it. Pakiramdam ko kasi minsan, nabibigatan na sila sa'kin, kahit alam ko namang naiintindihan nila ako.
I keyed in my reply to my mom bago ko itinabi 'yung phone ko. Halos patapos na rin akong mag-ayos ng locker since inayos na rin ni Mommy no'ng nandito pa sila. She would have probably finished arranging my stuff kung hindi ko lang pinigilan. Being, as what they say, strong independent woman starts today, and I just didn't want them to stay any longer or I'll just probably throw in a last-minute decision and go home with them.
"Estelita... right?" Natigil ako sa pag-aayos ng locker ko nang may lumapit sa'kin. I have never heard anyone aside from my Mom calling me Estelita! It's been ages since I last introduced myself kasi ever since High School, nasa iisang school lang naman ako. Medyo ang weird na pala... Napangiti naman ako at tumango. She looked like she was my age, pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang sarili ko na mahiya... hindi naman kasi ako mahilig magsalita kapag bagong kilala ko pa lang 'yung tao.
"Sorry nakita ko kasi 'yung ID mo na nakasabit sa bed mo... same tayong MedTech! Anong section ka?" She was smiling so wide na pakiramdam ko nahahawa ako ng ngiti niya. I really find it amusing when people have this tendency of making others feel light and happy just with their smile. Somehow, I feel kind of... jealous at some point.
I wasn't really fond of talking to strangers, kaya tipid lang din akong ngumiti bago sumagot, "1A." She started squeaking in joy—apparently, we're classmates, and boy was she talkative—but it wasn't that annoying—I didn't really find it annoying at some point since I really like it when people see through me that I don't really like approaching people first, kaya when they do, I feel like they care... although deep inside me, gusto ko na lang muna na 'wag makipagusap kasi pakiramdam ko wala pa'kong energy.
